


The Vicious Cycle Of Love

by dementxa



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Angst, Family, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8288557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementxa/pseuds/dementxa
Summary: History repeats itself, as people say. Ritsu and Masamune have moved on from their high school days, but by a twist of fate they are forced to watch a very familiar story play out. With happiness of a beloved one in their hands, they find themselves at odds once again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure if I should post this one, but oh well. What's the worst that could happen, right?
> 
> Anyway, this fic is loosely ties to my other SiH story. Loosely as in I use the same OC from there, Yusuke, and the characters make a few references to it. But you don't actually need to read it to understand this story.
> 
> So about the timeline ... this fic takes place some time after the latest chapter - the one with Nao - as Ritsu and Takano are at the end of their countdown. However, since the end of the countdown is somewhere in August, I've pushed it a bit forward and made the fic take place in September - since the story deals with high school and all that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic!

The two hadn’t spoken in a while. The room they sat in was completely dark, only the sofa was illuminated by the ethereal blue light that radiated from the TV. Ritsu thought about how weird it was that no matter what they were watching, the light pouring from the screen was always blue. He looked at the boy next to him. Yusuke seemed caught up in the movie they were watching. His narrow face was ghostly pale in the light and the lenses of his glasses reflected the scene that was currently playing.

Sensing Ritsu’s gaze, Yusuke turned to face him. His lips twitched into a shy smile and he moved a bit closer.

“Masamune is really late …” he mumbled. His voice was slightly hoarse and wheezy. “You don’t think … anything’s happened to him, right?”

“Of course not! Your brother is just meeting up with an author and some producers. He must have told you that they’re making an anime out of one of the comics he’s supervising, right?” It was true that Takano usually never stayed out so late when he was dining with an author. But meetings about an anime production always ran long because there were a lot of things to be discussed. The authors always had requests, and the more popular they were, the more outrageous the requests became. “You shouldn’t worry so much, Yusuke. Takano-san can take care of himself.”

“Y-yes, I know, but …”

“But you’re still worried about him, I know,” Ritsu finished his sentence and smiled. “I understand.”

“I just can’t _not_ worry,” Yusuke admitted, a dark blush settling on his cheeks. “I know that my brother is fine. I really do. And yet … I can’t not worry about him.”

“I understand,” Ritsu repeated. “I’m the same way.”

Of course, he was talking in general, and not about this particular situation! He’d _never_ be worried about Takano – and why should he? Takano was a grown man who could look after himself, so Ritsu had no reason to be feeling anxious.

_But it **is** getting very late … he should have been home by now, shouldn’t he?_

He looked at the clock. It was late, almost midnight. Just where was Takano?

He frowned at himself and shook his head. He shouldn’t lose his cool about that. He’d taken responsibility by agreeing to keep Yusuke company for the evening, and that was the only obligation he had towards his neighbour. How Takano was spending his time was not his concern.

He looked at the boy next to him and his expression softened. He’d always liked Yusuke, ever since they’d first met. Back then, Yusuke was only 5 years old – a small shrimp of a child with plump cheeks and sparkling eyes.

It was odd, seeing him all grown up now. Yusuke, only a teenager, was already taller than Ritsu. He had thin hands with long delicate fingers – an artist’s hands, Ritsu thought. Yusuke loved drawing and he had a gift for it. Even Ritsu could see that.

Yusuke pushed his glasses up and then brushed a few dark curls away from his face. He hadn’t calmed down entirely, Ritsu noted. He was fidgeting nervously with the cuff of his sleeve.

“Hey,” Ritsu spoke, “don’t think about it. I’m sure that Takano-san will be back soon.”

“I don’t like it when he’s not home,” Yusuke said, pursing his lips slightly. “I know that he can take care of himself. I’m not worried because I don’t have faith in him, I’m worried because … well, because that’s just who I am.” He sighed. “When I was younger, I still worried about my brother, even though Masamune didn’t stay out so late back then.”

“Oh.” Ritsu was surprised. “I … didn’t know that.” In his memories, Yusuke was always happy and his smile never left his lips. “Did you talk with your brother about how you feel?”

“No. I mean … I may have told him when I was a kid, but I don’t remember what he told me back then. I don’t think he even took it seriously, to be honest.”

“You should talk to him again. I’m sure that he’ll understand.” Ritsu smiled. “You know that your brother cares about you, right? He wouldn’t want you to feel like that about him.”

“I don’t know, I … Masamune works so much and sometimes he looks _terribly_ exhausted …” Yusuke frowned slightly as he talked. “I don’t want to cause him any more inconveniences. I’m not a little kid anymore, I’m a high school student now and I should be able to deal with things on my own.” He pushed his lower lip forward decisively.

“That may be so, but I think that for an older brother, it’s very hard to accept that his younger sibling has grown up.” Ritsu smiled. “I’m sure that Takano-san feels the same way about you.”

“Is that so?” Yusuke asked. “Do you think I’m a little kid too?”

“Oh! T-that is … it’s a bit different for me,” Ritsu stuttered.

While he was in high school, he’d spent numerous afternoons and even some weekends with Yusuke and his older brother. But when his relationship with Takano had dissolved, he’d lost all contact with them. It was only after he’d started working at Marukawa, more than half a year ago, that he met his ex-boyfriend again. And with Takano forcefully dragging him into his private life, Ritsu had renewed his acquaintance with Yusuke as well. Not that he minded, of course – his friendship with Yusuke was the only good thing to come out of this whole complicated story.

“What do you mean by different?” Yusuke asked curiously.

“Well … I hadn’t seen you in over ten years,” Ritsu replied. “When I last saw you back then, you were five years old. And a few months ago, when I saw you again after all this time … well, you’d changed drastically. You’re a teenager now, Yusuke. Somehow, it’s hard for me to imagine that you’re the same little boy who used to run around the garden, hunting for pixies.”

At the mention of his old hobby, Yusuke blushed and turned his head away.

“T-that … everyone believes this sort of things when they’re a kid!” He insisted. “And back then I was ready to believe anything people told me. It’s really unfair of you to remind me of something so embarrassing, Ricchan.” He added accusingly.

"Sorry." Ritsu chuckled. "I didn't have anything bad in mind when I said that. Actually, back then I thought it was really cute to see how excited you got when you and your brother were looking for pixies in the flowers."

"No, no!" Yusuke shook his head rapidly. " _Please_ , don't say anything more. You're making me feel so stupid!"

"Well, don't." Ritsu smiled. "As you said, everyone used to believe in something silly as a child."

"Did you do that too?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't believe in pixies, but I had my own fantasies."

"Will you tell me?" Yusuke asked, moving closer to him.

"A-ah ... you won't laugh at me, will you?" Ritsu inquired and the other just shook his head. "W-well ... I used to believe that all the characters from the books I read were real. I thought that they _must_ live somewhere and I used to beg my parents to take me to see them. You see, with my father being the president of a publishing company, I thought that he must know where those characters lived."

"That's not so bad. A lot of children think that. I suppose it's more wishful thinking than actual belief, though." Yusuke smiled. "What other things did you believe in?"

"The usual stories we told in school," Ritsu replied, shrugging. "You know, when a student moves everyone starts making up stories about them, or the terrible secrets some of the teachers had, things like that. It was fun."

"Y-yes, I bet it was ..." Yusuke was silent for a while and then looked at Ritsu. "Ricchan, I ... um ... can I ... um ... could I ask you for some help? It's about school ..."

"Oh ... I guess. I don't think I'll be able to help you much with your studies, but at least I'll try." Ritsu smiled.

"Ohh, n-no, it's not about that." Yusuke looked uneasy. He pushed his glasses up again. "I ... um ... there's this ... um ... y-you know when ..."

At that moment there was a noise in the hallway. The front door opened and closed and a short time later Takano entered the living room.

"I'm home."

In the dimness of the room, his skin had a glowing paleness to it that made him look exhausted when in fact, he really wasn't. Ritsu noticed that Takano was dressed just a tad more formal than usual. Apparently, this meeting had been quite important, more so than Takano had shared with him before.

"Welcome home," Yusuke greeted his older brother with a smile.

Takano turned the lights on. The sudden brightness made both Yusuke and Ritsu groan and rub their eyes.

"Yusuke, you have school tomorrow, right? You should go to bed."

"Sure ... I just wanted to wait for you, Masamune." Yusuke stood up and adjusted his glasses. As he walked out of the room, he turned to Ritsu and gave him a slightly sad smile. "I'm sorry, I ... you'll forget what I told you, won't you? It's not really important ..."

When he left, Takano took his place on the sofa and looked at Ritsu inquiringly.

"What are you supposed to forget?" He asked.

"I d-don't really know ..." Yusuke hadn't given him any particular details, so Ritsu didn't see it as betraying his trust. "Yusuke wanted to ask me something about school, but you came home and he couldn't. I think he needed help with something."

"Why the hell is he asking you and not me?"

Ritsu shrugged. He didn't think that Yusuke would ever hide something from his brother, and he replied in the same spirit.

"He probably thinks that I'd give him a better advice in this particular case, whatever it is," he said. He looked at Takano and saw that he looked worried. "Is Yusuke having problems at school?"

"No, I don't think so. He hasn't said anything about having problems with his studies or anything like that," Takano replied, frowning slightly. "But ... I don't think he has any friends at school."

"Oh ..."

"Yeah." He nodded. "I was pretty much a loner back in high school too, but that was by choice, so I enjoyed it. But Yusuke ... I think that he'd like to have friends. I think he suffers because he's sort of an outsider."

"Why doesn't he join some school club? He should be able to meet people with similar interests there, right?"

Takano waved his hand.

"He's in his drama club already and it hasn't helped at all. Yusuke is just far too shy to socialize with people." He stood up. "I'll have to talk to him about that."

"Y-yeah, maybe you should ..." Ritsu got up as well. "Uh ... good night, Takano-san. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Onodera."

Before Ritsu could react, Takano had pulled him closer and kissed him. By now, Ritsu shouldn't have been so surprised, yet somehow his boss's actions always caught him unprepared. With blood rushing to his face, he pulled away and glanced at the door. If Yusuke had come in ...

"Y-you ..." He stuttered. "You shouldn't do things like that. Yusuke might catch us."

"So?" Takano raised an eyebrow.

They'd had this discussion a million times before, and still hadn't reached an agreement over it. Ritsu didn't want Yusuke knowing what was going on between him and Takano, whereas Takano had nothing against his brother knowing the truth. Their argument always went the same way - Ritsu claiming that they couldn't tell Yusuke anything, because they themselves didn't know how to define their relationship, which prompted Takano to urge him to "make things simpler" by confessing his love already.

"You know very well where I stand on that matter," Ritsu said hotly. "And if you're thinking of saying even a word to Yusuke about anything that’s happened between us, I ... I'll never forgive you!"

Takano was too surprised by his words to reply. Ritsu took advantage of his silence and left.

He didn't want to fight with Takano, least of all about _this_. And he didn't really think that Yusuke would treat him any differently if he knew about their past relationship. He knew the teen well enough to be sure that Yusuke was too kind-hearted to hate anyone. What was truly stopping him from being open with Yusuke was that he didn't want Yusuke to know the truth until Ritsu was able to take responsibility. And that could only happen when he found the courage to admit to Takano how he truly felt about him.

_I don't want Yusuke to think that ... that I have half-hearted feelings towards Takano-san or that I'm just stringing him along ..._

* * *

Ritsu wasn't certain if Takano was angry at him or if the piles of documents and manuscripts that were accumulating on his desk were because it was the end of the cycle. The result, no matter the cause, was that he spent two consecutive nights in the office while trying to get all the work done. When it was all finally over, Ritsu somehow managed to drag himself to his apartment building without collapsing from exhaustion.

Yusuke caught up with him while he waited for the elevator. He was holding some letters in his hands. He gave Ritsu a sweet smile and asked him how he was.

“Masamune said that you have a lot of work right now. I hope everything’s fine in the office?”

“We’re done with work now,” Ritsu replied. “It was very tiring. I haven’t even come home these past couple of days.” He thought that he must smell appalling, having worn the same clothes for so long, but Yusuke said nothing about it. “How’s school going?”

“Very well, I think. I’m doing well in geography; my teacher even wants me to attend some advanced classes next semester.”

“That’s great!”

The two stepped in the elevator and Yusuke pressed the button for their floor.

“Y-yeah … but I’m not sure I want to do it … I don’t think I’ll like it very much …” Yusuke blushed lightly while he talked. “A-ahh … Ricchan? C-can I … Are you very tired?”

“No.” A lie – Ritsu was actually struggling to remain conscious. “Why do you ask?”

“I … um … I would like for us to continue our conversation from that night. If you don’t mind, that is?”

“No, no, of course not!” Ritsu waved his hands. “You wanted my advice for something, right? It was about school, if I remember correctly?”

“Y-yeah …” Yusuke nodded and said nothing more.

Ritsu also remained silent. Soon they arrived on their floor and Yusuke suddenly asked if they could talk in Ritsu’s apartment. He explained that he didn’t want his brother to interrupt them like he had done last time. His words made Ritsu think that perhaps Yusuke was having some troubles that he didn’t want to discuss with Takano.

“Look, Yusuke, if you have any problems, you should tell your brother about them,” he began, but the boy silenced him with a gesture.

“It’s not a problem. At least … it’s not something bad. I … I just have no idea what to do. I’ve never had something like that happen to me before.”

After uttering these enigmatic words, Yusuke fell silent again and went into the apartment. Ritsu followed him inside and shut the door behind him.

They went in the living room and Yusuke sat on the sofa, right onto a pile of jumpers. He usually scolded Ritsu for being so messy and explained to him that the state of his apartment wasn’t hygienic. But it appeared that he had bigger worries at the moment. He kept tangling and untangling his fingers together and his thick curly hair had fallen in front of his face.

“Do you want some tea or water?” Ritsu asked him.

“No, thank you.”

Ritsu sat down next to him. It seemed that Yusuke was unsure whether he wanted to talk or not. He opened his mouth a few times, but he ended up only making some trivial comments about the weather and his brother. Ritsu tried to placate him, talking to Yusuke as if the two were having an ordinary conversation. His strategy paid off and Yusuke soon began to reveal what was on his mind.

“I … I’m already 16. And, biologically speaking, I’m developing normally.” His voice was stable, but he often paused so that he could express his thoughts better. “That’s why it’s not odd for me to … develop … certain physical and emotional needs.” He looked at Ritsu expectantly.

“Needs, as in …?”

“I … think that I’m interested in someone. Um … _romantically_ interested.” Yusuke explained.

“Oh!” Ritsu blinked. “Ahh … and who is this person?”

“I-it doesn’t really matter!” Yusuke blushed. “They are from my high school, but they’re older than me. And we … uh … we don’t know each other. I … I think that they don’t even know that I exist …”

“Then … how are you so sure about your feelings for this person?”

“I … um … we spend a lot of time in the same place. And I … um … I’ve been sort of watching them for a while now.” Yusuke’s blush deepened, but his voice became more confident. “I’m sure that I love them.”

Ritsu suddenly had a vision, not of the future, but of the past. A naïve 15-year-old boy, peeking shyly from behind a bookshelf. His heart started beating faster when he remembered how happy he’d been every time he got to see his senpai, even from so far away. More than ten years had passed, but he could still remember the smell in the school library – of dust between the pages of old books, and of cherry blossoms.

“-but after all, this is something new for me.” Yusuke’s voice sounded as if it was coming from somewhere far away and Ritsu struggled to extract himself from his memories. “And I don’t know what to do. Ricchan, can you help me?” He looked at him desperately.

“Help you?”

“Yes. I … have no idea what to do.” Yusuke looked down at his hands. “Love is … very strange. I feel both happy and sad at the same time. I … I think I’d like to confess my feelings to this person, but I don’t know how to do it exactly.”

Yusuke went quiet, waiting for Ritsu’s reply. For a while, Ritsu wasn’t sure what to say. That, which was whirling in his mind – an empty library, save for two people, a hastily scribbled name in a book, and withered blossoms in a math notebook – wouldn’t be of much help. He felt a lump in his throat. There was such naïve hope in Yusuke’s voice, the same optimism that Ritsu himself had felt years ago. He suddenly felt closer to Yusuke than he’d ever been.

“Yusuke, I …” He paused to figure out how to say what he wanted more tactfully. “I don’t think that you should say anything to that person. High school relationship never last long, and they often end in tears and pain. I think … I think that you’d be much happier if you keep whatever feelings you may have to yourself. I realize that this may not be what you expected to hear … but my advice is coming from personal experience.”

“Oh!” Yusuke couldn’t hide his disappointment. He was silent for a minute, moving away from Ritsu. “Are you sure? What if … I regret not saying anything for the rest of my life?”

“That’s always a possibility. But trust me, if you keep your feelings locked in your heart, you’ll still have this fantasy of what might have been. You can still believe that your first love has been pure and real. But if you say something … you risk losing that, and then you’ll have nothing but bad memories and regrets.” Ritsu covered his eyes with his hand. Just keeping them open caused him pain. “Yusuke, I think you should talk with Takano-san. He knows more about relationships than me. At least, I now he’s dated more people than me.” He couldn’t help the spite that wormed its way into his last words.

Yusuke didn’t notice it. He was pondering Ritsu’s advice. While he did so, he absent-mindedly arranged a few magazines that were scattered on the coffee table.

“I think you’re right, Ricchan,” he finally said. “I … I don’t think I’m a catch, as they say. I think that really, the smartest thing to do would be to spare myself the pain of rejection.” A sad smile graced his lips. “Really, I myself knew that it wasn’t a good idea to do something, but I told myself that you probably knew better. I was hoping … well, I was hoping that you might have a better idea. But I guess there’s no hope for me, huh?” He suddenly stood up. “Ricchan, you look tired. I think I may have taken too much of your time … I apologize.” He left the room so quickly, that to Ritsu it seemed as if he’d run away.

Later, when Ritsu was lying on the piles of clothes that were on his bed, he thought that for the first time since they’d known each other, Yusuke was disappointed in him. But he had no other choice, he told himself. A high school love, between a shy boy and an older student who didn’t even know him? No, it was never going to happen.

_He may be sad now … but at least I spared him a lot of pain in the future. Yusuke is way too kind; I can’t allow him to become like me._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takano and Ritsu argue over the past and the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, there's more Takano/Ritsu in this chapter, sprinkled with some angst too, lol!
> 
> Chapter 3 will have a small twist at the end, so look forward to that. ;)
> 
> Leave a comment to let me know what you think of the story so far! And feel free to check out my other stories.

His co-workers always said that the first few days after hell week were like a prize at the end of a long and hard trial. But for Ritsu, they seemed more like the calm before the storm. Everything was new, clean, and sparkling now, but he knew that suffering was waiting for them just around the corner. The end of the cycle, and all the hardships it brought with it, would always come back, he knew. Ritsu had long ago given up on the illusion that they could somehow prevent it.

Nevertheless, he could treat himself to a few days of peace and quiet in the office.

"Onodera!"

Or perhaps not.

"Huh?" He flinched when he heard his name and straightened up in his seat. "Yes, Takano-san?"

"Come with me. _Now_."

Feeling anxious and a little bit guilty, Ritsu followed his boss. He could clearly see that Takano was in a foul mood. He ... couldn't have found out that Ritsu had neglected his eating regime during the end of the cycle, could he? Ritsu had been very careful to hide that fact from Takano - he'd return to eating normally when things settled down, he'd told himself. It hadn’t happened yet, but it was going to. Eventually.

Takano took him to a small meeting room, and closed the door so that no one could overhear them. He turned to Ritsu with his arms crossed in front of his chest and with a stern expression on his face. His eyes were darker than usual.

"Why did you tell Yusuke that he shouldn't confess his feelings to the boy he likes?"

"Ohh? H-he likes a boy?" Ritsu was surprised. He didn't remember whether Yusuke had actually specified if he was interested in a boy or a girl. He had assumed that the teen had been talking about a female classmate. "Wait - you know about this, Takano-san?"

"Of course I do." Takano rolled his eyes, and then glared at Ritsu again. "It was obvious that something was going on with my brother, so I confronted him about it. He admitted what was happening almost immediately. As for him liking a boy ... he didn't _say_ it exactly, but it can't be any other way, seeing how careful he is with pronouns. He's hiding it in a very obvious way. Can't really understand why he would, though." He sighed. "But that's not what shocked me so much. Yusuke also assured me that he didn't tell me anything about it because he'd already received advice from you. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard what you'd told him!"

"It was very sound advice." Ritsu defended. "Yusuke told me about his crush, and from what he explained to me I figured that it would be best if he didn't say anything to this person!"

He clenched his jaw, waiting for his boss’s reply. Takano would surely call him an idiot now - he looked disapproving, just how he always looked when Ritsu submitted a weak storyboard. But Takano didn’t say a thing. Instead, he silently studied Ritsu’s face.

"I wonder," he began slowly, "if perhaps your decision was influenced by what happened between us ten years ago?"

“T-that…!”

Ritsu paused - something in him was telling him that Takano was right. He stirred guiltily. It was true that Yusuke's story did bring up painful memories of his high-school days. The coincidences were just too many for him to ignore. If Ritsu had to be honest with himself, it hadn't even occurred to him that Yusuke's own love story could have a different ending than his.

"I-it's possible," he admitted hesitantly. "After all ... I m-mean ... if Yusuke's told you everything, you've probably noticed how similar his situation is to ... ours ..."

"It is oddly similar." Takano nodded and then raised his voice slightly. "But that's not the point! You, who definitely didn't keep silent about your feelings towards me, actually told my brother that the best thing he could do is keep quiet about _his_ feelings? What a hypocrite you turned out to be!"

Ritsu's face flushed with shame and anger at the accusation.

"I-I ... I'm not a hypocrite! I honestly think that it's best for Yusuke not to tell this boy how he feels!"

"You're saying this? You, who just blurted out - out of nowhere, at that - that you love me!"

"T-that ..." Ritsu stuttered. Why was Takano talking about _them_ all of a sudden? "It's unfair of you to bring that up at this moment. A-and besides, this proves that I was right, doesn't it? Look at what happened to us back then!"

"If you hadn't confessed to me, we wouldn't have what we have now!"

"But we have nothing now!"

Even as the words came rolling out, Ritsu realized he'd made a mistake. Takano's eyes widened slightly. He watched Ritsu for a while, not saying a word, and then turned around and headed to the door.

"I'm sorry you feel this way," he said before leaving.

The all-too-familiar feeling of shame foamed in his stomach like boiling acid. Ritsu didn't need to wonder if he'd hurt Takano. He could clearly feel the pain in his voice. He shouldn't have said that, he thought. He didn't even _believe_ what he'd said was true. It was just ... it was so hard for him to feel composed any time he argued with Takano. Takano somehow always managed to reduce him to that shy, sheltered 15-year-old that Ritsu thought he'd destroyed long ago. It wasn't _fair_.

Ritsu didn't truly want to say what he had. The words had just slipped out in the heat of their argument. While Ritsu refused to be completely honest with himself, he was forced to at least admit that his current relationship with Takano, albeit not conventional, was not nothing. This wasn't what he'd _meant_. What he'd meant to say to Takano was that he simply didn't think that their current situation was satisfactory and he wanted to change that. Somewhere along the way to his throat, his good intentions were skewed into the monstrosity that was this single word - _nothing_.

_I should apologize. Takano didn't deserve to hear this._

He couldn't take back what he'd said, but at least he could soften the words and make ammends. He didn't like fighting with Takano. Their personal disputes took their toll on their work life as well. It was really better for everyone if Ritsu just apologized.

He went back to the office, intent on talking with Takano again, but to his disappointment he didn't find his boss there. Hatori explained to him that Takano hadn't returned to the department yet. He'd sent them a message that he had to urgently visit an author and that he probably wouldn't be back by the end of the day.

He'd run away, Ritsu thought gloomily. Before, he'd never believe that Takano was capable of doing something so cowardly, but now he knew his boss better. He was starting to realize that Takano was far more vulnerable than he appeared. This somehow made it harder for Ritsu to push his advances away.

There was no use anguishing over what he'd done now. Takano wasn't here, and he had his work to focus on. He had to talk with some of his authors and there was a proposal he needed to finish by the end of the day. Sighing, he sat at his desk. In an effort to soothe his conscience and concentrate, he told himself that he'd just stop by Takano's place after work and apologize properly. Even if that meant - Ritsu blushed at the thought - even if that meant that Takano would interpret his apology as permission to take some liberties with him.

His plan wasn't successful, though. It seemed like Takano was still with his author, or he and Yusuke had gone somewhere because no one opened the door no matter how much Ritsu pressed the bell button. He wondered if Takano was truly busy with work, or if he was just avoiding him. He didn't want to look too desperate or annoying by calling him on the phone, so he decided to postpone his apology for another time and went to his own apartment.

The next day, much to his surprise, Takano was acting like nothing had happened. Even when the two were left alone in the office for a while, Takano didn't mention their spat from the previous day. Ritsu was eager to straighten things out with him, but at the same time he didn't want to bring up such an unpleasant topic again. In the end his cowardice prevailed and he remained silent.

However, when evening came, he decided to try to apologize again. This time, he didn't need to wait long before the door opened. However, it wasn't Takano who greeted him at the door. Yusuke, thinking that this was just a casual visit, invited him inside. His brother wasn't home, he explained. Takano had a dentist's appointment.

"He chipped his tooth last week while eating," Yusuke explained. "But he was too busy last week and couldn’t get it fixed then."

"Oh? I ... didn't know that."

Ritsu couldn't explain why he felt so offended. After all, he didn't expect Takano to inform in on everything that was going on in his life. He didn't want that - the less he knew, the easier it was to maintain a strictly professional relationship with him. And yet ... he sort of wished that Takano had at least _mentioned_ something to him.

He flinched when he felt something rub against his leg. Looking down, Ritsu saw a familiar black and white cat sniffing at him.

"Sorata, don't bother Ricchan!"

"Sorata is here?" Ritsu asked.

"Yup!" At Yusuke's scolding, Sorata had moved away from Ritsu. Yusuke picked the cat up and cuddled it affectionately. "Yokozawa-san brought him earlier today. He said he has some work out of town. Or maybe he said he was going on holiday?" Yusuke looked thoughtful for a moment, but then he shrugged it off. "In any case, he always leaves Sorata with us when he goes out of town."

"Y-yeah, I know about that ..."

Yusuke had been living with Takano since before Ritsu had come to Marukawa, so of course, he'd know Yokozawa. Though - his heart skipped a beat at the realization - he didn't seem to be as close with him as he was with Ritsu. At the very least, he didn’t call Yokozawa by his given name.

"Ricchan, are you alright?" Yusuke was looking at him. "You seem a bit upset."

"I-is that so?"

"Mhm. You're not getting sick, are you?"

"N-no, I feel fine ... I just ... I had some troubles at work yesterday."

"Is that so? Masamune didn't tell me anything ... it probably wasn't a big deal, Ricchan. You shouldn't worry so much over it." He smiled.

“I-I … this is very sweet of you. I appreciate it … but I think that it’ll make me feel better if I apologize to Takano-san after all. I need to take responsibility for what I said," Ritsu replied with sincerity in his voice.

“Is that why you came by?” Yusuke asked. “You want to apologize to Masamune?”

He didn’t look worried. Yusuke firmly believed that Ritsu and Takano were good friends who had known each other since high school. Sometimes he witnessed some of their smaller spats, but he found them funny and not something to concern himself with. He often joked that the other editors in the department were probably jealous of Ritsu for being so close with the boss.

“I-I … yes.” Ritsu nodded. “I owe Takano-san an apology. I … I don’t want him to be mad at me.” He made the admission with some embarrassment – after all, a grown man shouldn't say such childish things!

“But he doesn’t feel like that at all!” Yusuke exclaimed. “Just this morning he suggested that we invite you over on Saturday for a movie night. Trust me, Ricchan, you’re thinking way too much about this.”

Ritsu wanted to believe that. But he knew that Yusuke didn't know what Takano and Ritsu’s actual relationship was, so it was hard for him to accept the teen’s assurance that everything was fine. Takano had probably done his best to hide what had actually happened from Yusuke.

“That may be so,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “but I think that I’d feel better if I heard it from Takano-san, do you understand?”

“Oh, I do! I’m the same way.” Yusuke smiled. “Don’t worry, Ricchan. You’ll see that everything will be fine.” He patted him on the shoulder.

Yusuke’s faith in him made him feel so guilty. He had always been so nice and accepting of Ritsu, even when he was a child. And how did Ritsu repay him for all that kindness? By deceiving him about almost anything that Yusuke thought he knew. It was cruel to treat the boy like that.

“Y-yes …” His conscience started eating at him and he felt that if he was around Yusuke much longer, he’d start screaming in frustration. “I … should go home. I have some laundry to do.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll tell Masamune that you’ve stopped by.”

Ritsu didn’t want Takano to find out he’d been looking for him, but he didn’t know how to tell that to Yusuke without raising any suspicions. So instead of protesting, he said his goodbyes and went to his own apartment.

There was no getting out of it now, he supposed. Soon, Takano would find out that Ritsu wanted to talk to him, so there was no way for the subject to just fade away with time. But perhaps … that was for the best. Ritsu knew from experience that if they didn’t discuss their problems, things between them only got worse.

He definitely had to talk to Takano first thing in the morning.

However, his plan fell through before he could do anything. Takano showed up at his door in the middle of the night. When Ritsu tried to protest that it was much too late for visits, Takano just ignored him and walked inside as if he owned the apartment. Fuming, Ritsu followed him into the living room.

“Yusuke told me you were looking for me,” Takano said.

“A-ahh … y-yeah?”

“Why?”

“I …” Ritsu swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. “I wanted … to … say that I’m … sorry …” He was talking slowly, almost unwillingly. Nevertheless, his words were sincere.

“So you admit you were wrong?”

“I … it wasn’t fair of me to say that we have nothing.” Ritsu’s voice gradually became firmer. “I just got caught up in our argument. I’m sorry if I caused you pain – I didn’t mean to do it, honestly.”

There – he had said it. He’d offered his apologies properly, like a mature person, albeit a bit unwillingly at first. Now all that he had to do was brace himself and endure any comments that Takano was bound to make about him. Afterwards, he’d ask Takano to leave and go to bed.

Takano, however, refused to play his part. He stood in front of Ritsu, watching him in silence.

“Does that mean,” he finally spoke, “that you will also apologize to Yusuke?”

“Yusuke?” Ritsu was surprised. “Why? Is he mad at me about something?”

“Because you deceived him,” Takano explained. “You just said that you were wrong. So, when you told him that he shouldn’t confess his feelings to the boy he likes, you actually gave him a bad advice, right?”

“Why are you still thinking about this?!” Ritsu sighed. “I … I still stand by what I told Yusuke. And Takano-san … you can’t possibly think that this is a good idea, can you?”

“Why not?”

“Why? Because … because it’s absurd! Takano-san, you can’t truly believe that this whole thing with Yusuke will end well!”

“Why not?” Takano repeated, raising his voice.

“Because those kinds of things never happen! There’s no such thing as true or lasting love in high school!” Ritsu paused. His cheeks were burning. “I … it may sound cruel, but I don’t think that Yusuke’s feelings will even be returned. And if by some chance they are, I don’t think that his relationship will last long. That kind of thing just never happens!”

“So you think that it’s impossible to love something when you’re in high school?” Takano said thoughtfully. “Does that mean that you never loved me back then?”

“How can you ask me _that_?” Ritsu’s anger flared. “I … I know where you’re going with this! It’s true that I loved you back then … and that I was willing to do anything for you. A-and … I’m forced to admit that it is possible that you had some feelings for me too back then … But that doesn’t change anything! Nor does it confirm your stance! Look at what happened between us in high school. Look at how it hurt us, at what it turned us into! Do you really want to see the same thing happen to your own brother?”

“I’d never hurt Yusuke!”

The words felt like a slap to the face and Ritsu took a step back. He’d crossed a line, he knew – there was an air of ice cold rage swirling around Takano all of a sudden. Ritsu had rarely seen him like that. His voice faltered when he tried to apologize, but Takano interrupted him by pulling him close. He didn’t kiss him, which surprised Ritsu, Instead, he just rested his head on Ritsu’s shoulder.

“I don’t want Yusuke to suffer, of course.” He was talking very quietly – apparently he’d felt Ritsu’s fear and was now trying to erase any damage he might have caused. “But nobody should – neither he, you, nor anyone else – nobody should close themselves and their heart to love just because they’re afraid of being hurt. It’s a very pitiful act.”

“M-maybe you’re right, but Yusuke is too young to be exposed to such pain!” Ritsu exclaimed.

“He’s older than you were when you confessed to me,” Takano reminded him. “And despite what you might think, you don’t know what will happen, do you? Perhaps that boy likes him back. And if he doesn’t and ends up hurting Yusuke … well, you and I won’t let him get worse than he needs to, right?”

“You and I …?”

“When we were in high school, we only had ourselves and no one else. But Yusuke isn’t alone. He has me, he has you. Do you think, in that case, that we’d allow him to go through the same thing we did?”

“I-I … well … w-what if …”

“Or perhaps,” Takano interrupted his stammering by straightening up and looking him in the eyes, “perhaps you fear that if Yusuke succeeds in love, you’ll be left with no excuses.”

Ritsu flushed. He balled his hands into fists and pushed Takano away from him. He did that more out of a desire to escape that intense hazel stare than to cause any pain. He hated how easily Takano could look into his mind and soul.

“Please,” he choked on the sobs that were climbing up his throat. “Go home. It’s late and I want to sleep.”

He must been quite a pathetic sight because instead of arguing with him, Takano just nodded. He took a step forward and gave Ritsu a soft kiss on the forehead. While he was walking to the door, he halted for a second and turned around.

“If you’d listened to your heart rather than your fear, you’d have given Yusuke a different advice.”

Then he left. Once alone, Ritsu let out a single sob and covered his eyes with a hand.

“… such a coward …” He whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, managed to finish this chapter before my exams started! My laptop broke, so I had to post this from my work computer, which doesn't do a specllcheck, so there might be some typos I've missed. Sorry about that!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter - Yusuke finally reveals the person he's in love with! I hope I didn't make it too obvious ... I always think my writing is super obvious. -.-' Please, leave a comment if you like it.

Last night he'd dreamt of the past again. He didn't remember if what he'd dreamt about actually happened back then, or if it had simply been a figment of his imagination, but it was unpleasant nonetheless. Ritsu hadn't had any dreams about his high school days in a long time. Apparently, this situation with Yusuke affected him more than he'd thought. It made him think about the past. Of course, Ritsu didn't blame Yusuke for his predicament. He knew that he shouldn't hold Yusuke responsible for falling in love – that was ridiculous. No, it was Yusuke's older brother, Takano, with whom Ritsu was upset. He was the one causing him so much trouble.

Ritsu frowned and shook his head. He shouldn't think about that, he scolded himself. The storyboard he had to read was too boring to concentrate on without any other distractions. Unfortunately, he had a lot of other things to ponder. With a sigh, he set the paper down on his desk and then leaned back in his chair.

He hadn't seen or heard from Yusuke in the past few days. He was worried a bit, since it was quite unusual. Usually, Yusuke would at least call him once or twice a day – except on days when Ritsu was swamped with work – and they would often hang out. Ritsu didn't mind spending time with Yusuke because the two got along very well. Sometimes, their closeness would irritate Takano and he'd remark jealously that Ritsu seemed to like Yusuke better than him.

_Is he a kid or something? How can someone be jealous of their own younger brother?!_

He suspected that it was Takano who stood behind Yusuke's silence. The last time Ritsu had seen the teen was the day after he'd chased Takano out of his apartment. Yusuke had confided in him that his older brother was becoming too interested in his private life and that this kind of behaviour worried him. He'd complained that Takano kept asking him questions about the upperclassman that he had a crush on, and he would prompt Yusuke to confess his feelings as soon as possible. Yusuke told Ritsu that he didn't want to do that, as he agreed with what Ritsu had told him. Yusuke didn't think that his confession would lead to something good. Apparently, Takano thought differently.

Ritsu was on Yusuke's side. He didn't believe that Yusuke should say anything to the boy he had feelings for. It wasn't that he believed Yusuke shouldn't be happy. In fact, he thought Yusuke was a very nice and smart boy who definitely deserved to be loved. However, Yusuke reminded him painfully of the person Ritsu was in high school, and he thought that with such a personality, he was bound to end up hurt. Ritsu didn't think that the boy Yusuke currently liked was the one for him. Having the object of your love not even notice you was never a good sign. If Yusuke confessed, he'd surely end up getting rejected or even laughed at. Ritsu couldn't understand how Takano could think it would be any different. It seemed as if Takano was more concerned about proving something to Ritsu than about his brother's happiness.

_If Takano thinks that he could ruin his younger brother's life just to prove something to me, then he seriously needs to go and get himself checked._

Takano hadn't mentioned anything to Ritsu about his younger brother. However, Ritsu did catch his boss leering at him in quite an infuriating way. He knew that it couldn't be about anything else but Yusuke. Takano's smile made him bristle every time and he wanted to just erase it off his face with a nice slap. How could Takano think what he was doing was a good idea? He'd always been such a caring brother – Ritsu had always admired him for everything he was doing about Yusuke. And now Takano seemed to be going against all his brotherly instincts, and all because of Ritsu.

_Am I more important to him than his own brother?_

The thought made him blush. It was true that Takano had hinted to him on a few occasions that he did see Ritsu as a very important part of his life. However, Ritsu had always assumed that no matter how important he was, Yusuke was still above him. That was how things were supposed to be. Ritsu didn't think that it would be fair to Yusuke if he took his place in his brother's life. Even if – his stomach tightened at the thought – even if he managed to admit his love to Takano, he still wanted Yusuke to be the most important person in Takano's life.

Yusuke _had_ to be the most important thing to Takano. He had no one else but his older brother. Ritsu thought about the few things he knew about Yusuke's life. Neither he, nor Takano talked much about their past, and Ritsu didn't think he had the right to ask. He had managed to deduce a few facts from some of the things Yusuke let slip out sometimes. He knew, for instance, that Yusuke had started living with his brother after Takano had graduated from university. He also knew that the teen didn't keep in touch with either of his parents. He didn't talk much about them, Ritsu had noticed. Usually, when he reminisced, he spoke only about his brother – and sometimes of Ritsu, too.

Ritsu wondered, curious despite himself, about what could have possibly happened with Yusuke and his parents. Takano had already told him that his parents had separated while he was still in high school. Yusuke still had his father's last name – he'd probably stayed to live with his father after the divorce.

What could have happened so that he and Takano had ended up living together?

"Onodera!"

"Ah!" Ritsu flinched and looked up. Takano was hovering over him. "What is it, Takano-san?"

"Don't slack off during work."

"R-right … Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

Takano went back to his desk. Ritsu shook his head again, irritated that he'd been caught spacing out by his boss. He needed to focus. If Takano found out that he was letting their dispute interfere with his work … well, he'd never let him live it down.

At around noon the other editors went out for lunch. Ritsu, having successfully pushed his worries out of his mind, was already engulfed in his work and decided to spend his break in the office catching up. After a while, he thought that everyone else had left and he was alone in the office. When someone suddenly sat down next to him, he was startled.

"T-Takano-san?"

"What's going on with you?" Takano asked in his usual blunt manner. He raised a hand to stop Ritsu from saying something. "And don't try to lie to me and tell me you're fine. _Everyone_ can see that something's bothering you."

Ritsu clenched his jaw. He wanted to scream that it was Takano who was responsible for the condition he was in. Takano was the one who turned this minor situation with Yusuke into a huge problem. And Takano was the one who still brought the subject up, even though both Yusuke and Ritsu considered it done and over with. However, Ritsu remained silent. Whatever frustrations he was feeling, he shouldn't just pour them out in the workplace. It wasn't professional to do so.

"I … I just have a lot of things on my mind." It wasn't a lie, really. Even though Yusuke's love life shouldn't have anything to do with him, Ritsu had found himself involved in that against his will. "And … I didn't sleep very well last night too."

"Are you eating properly?"

"… Y-yes?" Ritsu flushed, having sensed that his reply didn't come out as convincing as he'd intended it to be. "I … I ordered a pizza yesterday."

Takano looked disapproving for a moment, but then his features softened a bit and he shrugged.

"Well, I suppose junk food is still better than nothing." He sighed. "I hope you know that you're always welcome for dinner. You know that, don't you? Yusuke is always happy when you visit."

"I-I … I know that." Ristu nodded. "B-but I can't just … drop by whenever I want!"

"Hah?! What the hell are you going on about?" Takano's eyes gleamed dangerously. "You're the person that I love. _Of course_ that you can come to my place any time you wish!"

"Don't talk like that _here_!" Ritsu's voice rang higher than normal. He looked around anxiously. There was no one else in the office, but he couldn't calm down – if Takano didn't stop saying these kinds of things while they were at work, sooner or later _someone_ was going to overhear them.

"Then _where_ should I talk like that?" Takano asked quietly. "You never want to hear what I want to say to you."

"W-well … y-yeah?" Ritsu blushed again. He cleared his throat. "I mean … um … we don't have that kind of relationship, so there's no reason for you to say stuff like that, right?"

Takano frowned. He started to say something, but at that moment Mino returned. He was always the first to come back from lunch break. When Ritsu first joined Emerald, he used to wonder about that – he'd assumed that perhaps Mino didn't eat during the day. But after going out with his co-workers a few times, he knew the truth. Mino ate _extremely_ fast. Ritsu had witnessed him devour a whole meal in minutes.

Takano was vexed at the interruption. He threw Ritsu one last look, as if he wanted to tell him something. Then he stood up and left the office.

_W-what was that all about?!_

thinking about the short conversation they'd just had, Ritsu realized that Takano had been acting different than normal. His voice sounded unusually tense and desperate. Perhaps Takano had expected a different answer than the one Ritsu had given him. But he didn't know what that answer was.

No, that wasn't the truth. Ritsu knew what Takano wanted to hear from him. He'd wanted to hear _those_ words for almost a year now. What Takano didn't know was that Ritsu _had_ told him how he felt. He'd done so several times, in fact! Unfortunately, everytime he said that word - why was such a small word so hard to say anyway! - something happened that would prevent Takano from hearing him. Ritsu wasn't sure if he should be happy about that or not.

_If he'd heard me then … I wonder, how would things be between us now?_

He tried to imagine what it would be like to have a real relationship with Takano. He couldn't come up with anything. Not because - his heart skipped a beat at the thought - not because he didn't _want_ them to have a normal relationship. It was just that Ritsu didn't have much experience with relationships. He didn't know what two grown people who were dating were supposed to do. He'd forgotten most of his former relationship with Takano but that wouldn't have helped him much either way. They were just children back then. Surely, they couldn't have what they had in high school anymore.

Ritsu felt that a relationship between two mature people should be different. It should be more serious, for one. They'd surely have sex (even though Ritsu and Takano also did that, but they didn't have a relationship), but there'd be other things they did too. Like - Ritsu struggled to think of something - they'd probably travel together (Ritsu and Takano had done that, yet they didn't have a relationship), they'd eat together (again, Takano and Ritsu did that, but they _certainly_ didn't have a relationship) and ... well, they'd generally spend a lot of time together. Like Takano and Ritsu did.

Ritsu sat up, his back having suddenly stiffened, and shook his head furiously. No, no, no! He and Takano were not in a relationship! He'd been more than clear about that. There was no way for Takano, or anyone else to think that they were.

_He can't really be so ... foolish, can he? Or what, does he think that by repeating it over and over and over again, I'd eventually just give up and confess?_

Ritsu jumped in his seat when he felt his phone vibrating. It was probably one of his author - she'd promised to call him today so that they could discuss possible dates for an autograph even. He'd been planning it for a while now, and there were just some details left to take care of. Ritsu straightened his back and cleared his throat, reciting what he needed to say in his head before answering the call. However, after fishing his phone out of his pocket, it turned out that it wasn't his author calling him. He had received a message from Takano.

**You're having dinner with me tonight. If you want me to make you something in particular, send me a message.**

As Ritsu read the message. he felt his ire rising. He definitely didn't want to have dinner with Takano. Every time he did so, he ended up spending the night at Takano's home, which meant that he had to have breakfast with him as well. Just as he moved to type that he was busy, he received a new text.

**This is an order.**

Ritsu put his phone on the table. He was shaking lightly and his cheeks were flushed.

Just _who_ did Takano think he was?! An order? He may be his boss, but he had absolutely no right giving him any orders in his private live. Unless Ritsu wanted to have dinner with Takano, he wasn't required to do so just because Takano had told him to.

While all these thoughts were swirling in his mind, his phone vibrated again. He'd received yet another message from Takano.

**Yusuke said that he's very happy that you'll come.**

"You bastard!" Ritsu exclaimed, drawing curious glances from the other people in the office.

Now he didn't have a choice. If he didn't go to Takano's place, Yusuke would be disappointed and Ritsu didn't want that. Of course, he had a _very_ good reason for not wanting to have dinner with Takano. But Yusuke didn't know that. He was clueless about what was happening between Takano and Ritsu. He'd undoubtedly be crushed if he ever found out that his brother was using him to make it impossible for Ritsu to decline his invitation.

_How can Takano-san treat Yusuke like that?_

Ritsu didn't seem to have much choice in the matter. He had to go and have dinner at Takano's place, otherwise Yusuke would be upset. He consoled himself with the thought that at least with Yusuke there, Takano wouldn't try to make a move on him. He always behaved better when his brother was around.

Even though he'd already decided that he would go to Takano's place, Ritsu was secretly hoping that perhaps he'd have too much work. If he ended up staying at the office after hours, he'd have a good excuse not to have dinner with Takano. Alas, he managed to finish all his tasks on time. This annoyed him quite a bit - it almost seemed as if the universe _wanted_ him to go. He made his way to Takano's apartment, his steps slow and hesitant. This would probably be a disaster, he thought gloomily.

Yusuke opened the front door seconds after he'd rung the doorbell. It seemed as if he were waiting for Ritsu. As always, he was smiling and unsuspecting. He took Ritsu by the hand and led him to the living room.

"Masamune's still cooking. We were expecting you much later," he explained as they were sitting down.

"O-oh ... well ... turned out I didn't have as much work to do as I thought," Ritsu explained, feeling slightly awkward. He thought in annoyance that now it really seemed as if he couldn't wait to see Takano.

"Oh, I see." Yusuke gave him a warm smile. "I'm really glad that you came, Ricchan. I think that with you here, dinner won't be so awkward. At least, I really hope it isn't."

"Eh? Awkward?"

"Y-yeah ..." Yusuke blushed lightly and looked at the kitchen door. He looked anxious. "I ... Masamune has been acting a bit ... well, I don't want to stay unstable, because that's a strong word ... but he has been a bit ... strange. He's not acting like himself. He's been like that since he found out about my, hm, _secret_."

"Oh." Ritsu couldn't help but feel guilty. After all, he was partially responsible for Takano's current behaviour. It was his inability to be honest with himself and with Takano that had prompted his boss's erratic actions.

"Y-yeah ... so I'm really glad that you agreed to come here. I think that with you around, my brother will behave better."

It was odd hearing those words. It seemed as if they both relied on the other's presence to keep Takano in line. Ritsu smiled lightly as he thought how similar they were.

"Ah ... how is Takano-san treating you? I hope he's nice." Ritsu asked his question with some hesitance. It was a very personal matter he was inquiring about. However, he felt that if his own behaviour had caused Takano to treat his brother badly, then he had a right to know. If that were the case, Ritsu was willing to do anything he had to in order to fix the problem he'd caused.

"Oh, yeah! He's nice." Yusuke nodded. "It's just ... he keeps asking me about ... well, about the thing I told you." He blushed. "I ... when you told me that I should keep quiet about the way I felt, I thought that it really was the right thing to do. So, I thought the whole thing was over. B-but when I told Masamune, he ... well, he didn't want to let it go. He keeps urging me to confess and it's very upsetting. I can't really think why he'd be so insistent." The boy sighed and adjusted his glasses. "He even wanted see the person that I'm in love with!"

"Oh? He did that?"

"Yup." Yusuke suddenly brightened up. "Do you want to see him too, Ricchan? I think that I ought to show you."

"Oh ... well, if you want to." Frankly, Ritsu didn't want to get any more involved in this whole story, but he didn't want to let Yusuke down.

"I think that I want to. I ... you've always been so nice to me. And so supportive too! I've always thought of you as kinda like my second older brother. I think that you deserve to know everything about me."

Yusuke went out of the room. While Ritsu was waiting, he thought, slightly embarrassed, about his words. It was nice to hear that Yusuke thought so fondly of him. Ritsu had always tried to treat him in the best way he could. He'd never thought of him as his lesser, despite their age gap. That must have made a good impression with Yusuke.

When Yusuke came back, he had his phone with him. He sat back down and started going through his images. He had very few, Ritsu noted. There were a few photos of Yusuke with Takano, a couple more of Sorata and of some landscapes or streets. Yusuke finally found what he was looking for and turned the screen to Ritsu.

It was a selfie that Yusuke had obviously downloaded on his phone. The photo was of a young boy around Yusuke's age. He had a wide care-free smile on and he was holding a drink in one hand.

"He's very cute, isn't he?" Yusuke asked, his manner having suddenly turned giddy. "He's one of the most popular boys in school. His name is Katsuo. Everyone likes him a lot, especially the girls." He sighed and his smile faded away. "I-I ... he really doesn't look anything like me, huh? I mean ... he doesn't look like he'd be interested in someone like me ..." He put his phone away and adjusted his glasses. "I suppose you realize why ... why it's better if I don't tell him anything, right? I mean, it's obvious that we have nothing in common ..."

Ritsu didn't answer. From the moment he'd laid eyes on the photo, he felt faint and uneasy. He cast a quick glance at Yusuke, but it didn't seem that the boy had realzied how shocked and guilty he was feeling. He knew who the boy in the photo was even before Yusuke had told him his name. It was Ritsu's own cousin, Moriyama Katsuo.

_Why did it have to be him, of all people?!_

He looked at Yusuke again. The boy's cheeks had turned pink and he looked lost in his thoughts. He had it _bad_ , Ritsu realized.

_Oh, this is going to be a disaster ..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katsuo appears and Takano and Ritsu talk about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please like and comment!

Ritsu was on a mission today. He wasn't sure why he'd decided to do what he was doing - Yusuke certainly hadn't asked him to and he probably would be terrified if he ever learned. But Ritsu felt that he had to do something. After he'd found out that his own cousin was the person who Yusuke was in love with, he couldn't help but feel that he was even more involved than he already was.

He hadn't told Takano and Yusuke about his discovery. He didn't like hiding something so important from Yusuke, as he felt that the teen should know the truth. But he didn't want to be the one to tell him. Besides, he wanted to make certain inquiries himself first. It all depended on what Katsuo would to tell him. Then, depending on the information, he could plan his next steps.

Yusuke seemed quite certain that Katsuo hadn't noticed him, but Ritsu needed to make sure himself. After all, when he was younger, he too had believed that the person he loved didn't know he existed. But it turned out that Takano _had_ known him, albeit under a different name. Unless he heard otherwise from Katsuo's lips, Ritsu thought that there was a chance for his cousin to actually know who Yusuke was.

Of course, that wouldn't mean that Katsuo felt the same way about Yusuke.

Ritsu knew that if he somehow helped the two teenagers get together, it would just prompt Takano to be more affectionate to him. He was willing to take that risk. After all, Yusuke's happinness was at stake here, and it was cruel of Ritsu to jeopardize a young boy's chance at love just because he couldn't handle another man's advances so well.

_It all depends on how it goes ..._

Ritsu wasn't very close with his cousin mainly because they had an almost 10 year age gap. That, and the fact that thir mothers didn't get along so well. Katsuo was also very different than Ritsu. He was loud, confident, and popular. He loved being around people and having fun. At this point in his life, he didn't seem too focused on his studies, though he certainly couldn't be called a bad student.

RItsu also knew that Katsuo led a very turbulent love life. In less than two years, he'd had at least seven or eight girlfriends, and that were just his _serious_ relationships. His behaviour worried Ritsu's mother. She felt that, even though Katsuo didn't have the Onodera name, he was still behaving inappropriately and bringing shame to their family.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of his cousin. Ritsu had foresightedly suggested they meet away from his apartment. The last thing he wanted was for Yusuke or Takano to see them together. He could imagine how disappointed Yusuke would be if he found out Ritsu was going behind his back and meeting with Katsuo.

He hadn't seen Katsuo in a long time. They had last met during New Year's, when their families had gathered to celebrate together. Katsuo had changed a lot since then. He'd dyed and cut his hair now. He was pale blond, with the top part of his hair combed sideways, and the lower shaved almost to the skin. He didn't look so bad, Ritsu thought slightly jealous. His new haircut made him seem exciting and dangerous. Katsuo would probably look good no matter what he did with his appearance, it seemed.

Katsuo greeted him with a wide smile. Fortunately, he was outgoing enough not to suspect that Ritsu had invited him out with some particular purpose in mind. While they were walking around, searching for a place to go eat, it wasn't hard for Ritsu to turn their conversation to Katsuo's school life. After all, it wasn't unusual for teens to be asked about their studies.

"It's not so bad," Katsuo replied. He'd spotted a ramen restaurant he liked and was headed there. Ritsu could hardly keep up with his pace. "Well, I guess my parents do complain about my grades, but honestly, they're not as bad as mom and dad make them out to be. Besides," he turned to give Ritsu a smile, "I don't really spend a lot of time studying, yet my grades are average. So things aren't bad, right?"

"What do you mean they aren't?"

"Well, if I have average grades while not making much effort, then I'll have good grades if I do, right? So I can be smart if I wanted to." Katsuo smiled at him while they were sitting down at a table. "It's enough for me just to know that."

Ritsu couldn't agree with him, but he opted not to say anything. At this point in his life, Katsuo seemed to more interested in having fun rather than studying. He certainly was charming enough to manage through life with minimal effort. Ritsu wondered how a smart and hard-working boy like Yusuke could be attracted to someone like Katsuo. The two couldn't be more different. He was having a hard time imagining them as a couple.

_At least Takano and I had similar interests ..._

The thought reminded him of something.

"And are you participating in any school clubs?" He already knew the answer but by asking this question, he could safely navigate the conversation to the topic he was truly interested in.

"Oh, yeah!" Katsuo nodded enthusiastically. He halted his reply to order food and then turned back to Ritsu. "I'm in my school's drama club! It's so fun! And guess what - it turned out that I'm actually a good actor!"

Ritsu could easily believe that. He couldn't deny that his cousin possessed a huge ammount of charisma. He'd certainly produce a favourable impression under the spotlight.

"So you like it, huh?" He asked and Katsuo nodded again. "Do you get along well with the other students in your club?"

"Definitely! We're a very fun group," Katsuo said. "We always have a blast when we get together."

"You know ... I think the younger brother of an acquaintance of mine also goes to your school," Ritsu began cautiously, "and, if I remember corretly, he's also in the drama club?"

"Is that so? Then I must know him. I know everyone in the club." His cousin sat upright. "What's his name?"

"... Yusuke?"

Ritsu watched his cousin intently. Katsuo's expression was pensive, but he didn't shown any emotion at the mention of the name. He was silent for a while, frowning lightly.

"Are you sure that this guy goes to my school? I've never heard of him." He looked slightly confused, and his cheerfulness had diminished a bit. "What does he look like?"

"O-oh ... it doesn't matter. I'm probably mistaken or something."

Ritsu felt bad for Yusuke. The poor boy, he'd been right to think that Katsuo had no idea who he was. They'd spent a lot of time in one room each day, yet Katsuo hadn't even noticed him there.

Regardless of what he'd been hoping for, Ritsu had ended up being right. He couldn't help but feel a bit happy - he could imagine Takano's face when he told him about it. And he was intent on telling Takano - if he knew that Yusuke truly had no chance with Katsuo, he'd surely stop pestering his brother about confessing.

Unfirtuantely, Yusuke would be crushed. But, Ritsu was certain, he'd surely be able to recover and find the right person for him. He was a kind-hearted, cheerful and smart boy, and if he just opened up to people more, he'd surely find himself in a healthy and happy relationship in no time. Just … it wouldn't be with Katsuo.

"Hey, Ritsu, what going on with you? You look, like, mega depressed right now!" Katsuo poked him in the cheek with his chopsticks. His voice was loud and carefree, as if he was asking about the food and not his relative's well-being.

"It's nothing. I'm just kinda tired, that's all."

"For real? What's so tiring about reading manga all day for a living? That's like, the best job there is!"

"That's not really what my job is about," Ritsu replied, a bit annoyed at the unjust accusation. "I also need to talk with a lot of people, to arrange meetings and what-not, to convince authors to make certain changes – and most of them are very much against change, mind you! And these past weeks I've been busy organizing an autograph even for one of my authors, too!" He shut his mouth when he realized that he was defending himself in front of a 17-year-old kid. "A-anyway … it's not just reading manga, Katsuo."

"Huh … didn't know there was so much to do, to be honest. I thought that you just got the manga from the author and read through it to see if everything's okay, then you pass it along." Katsuo obviously hadn't meant to insult him and seeing his innocent smile, it was hard for Ritsu to be upset with him.

"W-well … if it were _that_ easy, more people would do it, right?"

"I suppose. But then again, there are people that like, find themselves a tough job on purpose, coz they like having it rough, y'know?" Katsuo shrugged. "Can't really understand that, to be honest."

"Yeah, you probably can't …"

Katsuo had probably never encountered any significant difficulty in his life so far. His parents were fairly well-off, and he was handsome, in good health and with lots of friends. Socially, he'd probably achieved even more than him, Ritsu thought gloomily.

_Ahh … I'm the worst … being jealous of a 17-year-old …_

* * *

 

When he returned home, Ritsu was exhausted. There were people whose cheerfulness was contagious and made those around them feel invigorated. Katsuo didn't seem to be one of them. For some reason, whenever Ritsu spent time with him, he became painfully aware of his own flaws. The feeling that he was somehow inferior to a high-schooler sapped whatever energy he had.

Yusuke probably felt different around Katsuo, otherwise he wouldn't have these feelings for him. Or perhaps he felt like that precisely because this was the effect Katsuo had on him? As his cousin had pointed out earlier, there were people who liked to have it rough.

_Well, at least I learned something useful today._

Now he knew what to do. It wouldn't be pleasant, but if Takano agreed to it, Yusuke would never have to find out the truth. He probably suspected that Katsuo didn't like him back, but even if that were the case, he'd still be heartbroken to hear it confirmed.

He'd already sent a message to Takano, inviting him over. It wasn't long until Takano appeared at his door. He looked quite surprised, which was understandable – Ritsu almost never invited him in his home willingly. He noted with some amusement that Takano's manner was quite peculiar – he was like a wild animal that had been offered food. He stepped in, his body tense, as if he were ready to react the moment something unexpected happened.

He scooped some of Ritsu's laundry off the sofa so that there wold be enough space for him to sit down. Ritsu opted to sit on the floor.

"You said you wanted to talk about Yusuke?" Takano asked.

"Y-yeah … I … it's a bit awkard to admit it, but I hid something from him …" Ritsu flushed. "You see … Yusuke showed me the boy he likes … and, as it turns out … I know him."

"Huh? You do? How?!"

"I … he's my cousin." Ritsu noticed Takano's expression and hurried to continue talking before he was interrupted. "I … I saw him today. Um … I wanted to see if he knew Yusuke …"

"And?" Takano asked. He was leaning slightly forward.

"I ..." Ritsu swallowed. For a moment he didn't want to say anything. If he said it out loud, then he couldn't remove himself from this awkward situation that Yusuke had unknowingly entangled him in. "Takano-san ... Katsuo doesn't know who Yusuke is. He ... he doesn't even know that Yusuke exists." He remembered how confidently Katsuo had claimed that he knew everyone in his club. "I'm telling you this because I think that it will be better if you stopped pressuring him to confess. Trust me, it won't lead to anything good."

Takano didn't reply at once. He looked rather worried and guilty. Ritsu felt sorry for him. He knew that Takano would never want anything bad to happen to Yusuke. He was a caring older brother. He opened his mouth to say that Takano shouldn't blame himself for anything he might have done, but he wasn't given a chance to utter a single word.

"How do you know he really doesn't know my brother?"

"I-I … he told me so." Ristu couldn't understand what Takano was getting at.

"He could have lied."

"Why would he do that?"

"He must have had a reason," Takano insisted. "I think that he knows Yusuke. Maybe he even likes him but he didn't want to tell you."

"How can you still think that?" Ritsu sighed. "Takano-san … look, I don't think that Katsuo has deceived me in any way. He just … I don't think he'd notice a quiet person like Yusuke."

"Then Yusuke must make him notice."

"No! That would be terrible!"

Takano narrowed his eyes slightly and straightened up. This was his typical battle stance and Ritsu knew he was in for trouble. He swallowed and flailed his hands about in defense.

"I … I merely meant to say that Katsuo and Yusuke aren't suited for each other! T-that's all."

"And why do you think they're not?" Takano's voice was calm, but Ritsu knew that it was just a trap.

"Because they … l-look here … Katsuo … I don't think he's even attracted to men. He's only had girlfriends so far."

"I was the same before you confessed to me."

The admission stung. He'd always guessed that Takano had had girlfriends before him. He knew that he shouldn't let it bother him but he couldn't stop the jealousy that streamed through his veins, washing all common sense away.

"Is that s-so?" He tried to speak with a calm, steady voice but he couldn't. His limbs were shaking slightly.

"Don't think about it. I was an idiot back then," Takano said quietly.

"But it wasn't just _back then_ , was it?" Ritsu asked him. "You've been with women after we broke up, haven't you? And men too."

"How do you know this?"

"I …. Yokozawa-san told me a long time ago," he muttered. "It was when all those nasty things happened between us … b-but I had my own suspicions even before that. After all, you're man, Takano-san."

"And what's this supposed to mean?" Takano raised his voice. "If we're going to talk about the past, let's talk about _yours_ , huh? Let's talk about the fiancée you had while we were dating, and with whom you broke up merely _months_ ago! Let's also talk about _your_ girlfriends after high school!"

"I-I ... those weren't serious at all! And the engagement wasn't my doing! You know that it was my parents' decision and I had nothing to do with it! It's not fair of you to bring that up right now!"

"And is it fair of you to talk about my actions during a time when I wasn't myself?" Takano stood up. "You should also be aware that at the time you're talking about, I was quite vulnerable. You'd hurt me, there were problems with my family and other things ... It was a horrible time for me and the only thing I wanted to do was forget about everything. Can you honestly blame me for acting the way I did back then?!"

"..."

Ritsu's eyes were swimming in tears. He tried to say something, but the words died in his throat. He knew that it was silly to feel so hurt. Takano's relationships meant nothing to him. They _shouldn't_ mean anything to him. Even if Takano had slept with 100 women and 100 men, it shouldn't matter to Ritsu. It shouldn't make him feel small and insignificant, just another person Takano had slept with before moving along to a new conquest.

When he came back to reality, he found himself in Takano's arms. He tried to wriggle out weakly, but the other's hold on him proved too firm. Ritsu eventually gave up and allowed himself to relax a bit.

"Ritsu." Takano's voice was gentle, as if he were speaking to a child. "Don't you realize that you have all these misplaced feelings of jealousy because you don't want to admit that you love me? If you say it, if you accept it, and if we turn our relationship into what it should be, our past won't matter anymore. Don't you understand that?"

"I ..." Ritsu choked. "... 'm scared ..."

"Scared? Why?"

"Because ... because it's too good to be true!" Ritsu broke away from Takano. "It's unreal! Ten years ... ten whole, long years I've blamed myself for what happened between us. I blame myself for being too naive and trusting, for opening myself up to someone who didn't deserve it. I could at least find some comfort in thinking that what happened with you had been some life lesson ... and then you appear again, ten years after breaking me to pieces and turning me into nothing, and all you can say is that you want to try again? Don't you realize how absurd it all sounds?!" He laughed. His voice was laced with hysteric notes. "Sometimes I'm scared that this is all some trick you're playing on me and that the moment I say what you want to hear, you'll throw me away again."

"Ritsu ..."

"Or other times," Ritsu kept talking, not listening to Takano, "I'm scared that this is all just some dream or an illusion. That I look too much into your words and actions." He wiped some of his tears away and continued in a low, broken voice. "I'm scared that I still want something out of you and seeing you again has made me go crazy. I'm scared that you want nothing to do with me but I'm unable to accept it, so my mind makes me hear words that you've never said. I-"

Takano pulled him close and silenced him with a kiss. When he thrust his tongue into Ritsu's mouth, Ritsu could taste the saltiness of tears. His own tears, he thought, as Takano never cried.

"Tell me," Takano spoke after pulling away, "what you want me to do to prove that I'm sincere. I understand that it's hard for you to trust me. After everything that happened back then, I know I can't hope that you'll accept me with open arms. I felt like you did at first too. When I met you again, I thought it was all a coincidence and nothing more. I didn't want anything to do with you at first ... but not anymore. As time passed, I _knew_. Our love _must_ be, don't you understand? We're meant to be together." He kissed him again. "I'll never hurt you again. I promise you that."

"I-I ..." Ritsu swallowed. "I don't know ..."

"Ritsu." Takano sighed. "If you can't say you love me yet ... Can you at least trust me enough to give me a chance?"

Ritsu blushed under the other's intense stare. He was a bit embarrassed and revealing so much of his fears to Takano. He wasn't used to sharing his pain with anyone. Still, the fact that Takano seemed to accept how he felt was a huge relief. Shaking lightly, Ritsu reached out and took Takano's hand in his own.

"C-can you stay here for the night?" He asked quietly, looking down at his feet.

Takano smiled and squeezed his hand.

"Of course."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsu decides to give Takano a second chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done! I edited this chapter a few times because I wasn't really satisfied with how it ended, lol! But it's finally good enough to post! Sorry for the long wait!
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit shorter than the others because the ending of the previous chapter was supposed to happen in this one but I got too impatient and included it in chapter 4! ^^
> 
> Please leave a comment if you like the story!

 

"Do you seriously think I'll try to escape? I'm in my own home!"

Ritsu sighed and tried to make himself more comfortable. Takano had wrapped his arms around him in a tight grip. The two were lying in bed. It was late, already past midnight. Time sure seemed to fly when he was ... _busy_ , so to speak. Ritsu knew that if he didn't fall asleep now, he'd regret it the next morning. But something was keeping him awake, and he didn't know what.

After all ... what had happened wasn't something new to him. He and Takano had slept together before, after all. But something felt different now. Gone was the burning feeling of shame and regret that he used to feel afterwards. Now that Ritsu had poured all his worries out and they'd put their relationship on the right track, having sex didn't feel like something being forced on him. In fact, it had suddenly become _enjoyable_.

It was odd how just a few words could completely alter the way he viewed his relationship with Takano.

"You idiot." They were lying face to face but Ritsu kept his gaze lowered. Takano's deep voice came from somewhere above his head. "I'm holding you because I want to be as close to you as possible, not because I think you'll run away."

Ritsu blushed. He stopped moving and quieted down. He still didn't know how to react when Takano said things like that. It seemed a bit too over the top and corny a thing for a grown man to say to another man, even if they were in a relationship. While he pondered his reply, he stared at Takano's shoulder. Takano had a scar there - a thin white line, almost invisible to the eye. Ritsu wondered what it could be from.

"Just so you know, I didn't ask you to stay just to have sex," he finally said.

"I know." Takano snickered. "It didn't look like you were against it though."

"I ... n-no, I wasn't really," Ritsu mumbled. "But ... I think ... um ... let's talk about what happened a while ago ... before we, you know ..."

"Alright." Takano stroked Ritsu's hair, his fingers leaving tingling traces on his scalp. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"It's not about what I want!" Ritsu became slightly angry. "It's about how you see our relationship."

"I see it as something completely normal." Takano smiled when he saw his pout. "I'm sorry, but you just look really adorable when you're annoyed."

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"

"Yes, yes, I know." Takano stirred a bit and then pulled the blanket up. "I'll try to be as clear as possible. I love you and I want to be with you. And I think you also love me and want to be with me."

"..."

Ritsu blushed. Takano's phrasing was much too blunt for him.

"Don't you agree?" Takano asked.

"I ... I already told you what I think," he replied with a quiet voice.

"You told me you were scared to be with me, then you asked me to stay with you." Takano kissed him on the forehead. "That's a very ambiguous way to express your thoughts, don't you think?"

"I ..."

Ritsu fell silent. He needed some time to arrange his thoughts. Takano apparently understood that, because he said nothing. He moved lower and rested his head in the crook of Ritsu's neck. His hot breath tickled Ritsu's skin and an odd tremor went up his spine.

This was something he'd dreamed about when he was younger. His senpai in bed with him, the two just lying there with their limbs tangled together. It was such a naive, romantic dream, Ritsu thought nostalgically. Who would have thought it would come true one day?

And yet, there was something that spoiled the cozy warmth of their closeness. Not exactly an obstacle, but it was something that Ritsu couldn't ignore.

"Yusuke ..." he muttered out loud. He looked at the clock - it was almost one in the morning. "Won't he wonder where you are?"

"Maybe," Takano replied. "I'll just tell him you were sick and I needed to take care of you again. He won't suspect anything." He paused. "I assume you're still not ready to tell him?"

"N-no." Ritsu shook his head. "I ... I want us to wait. Look ... things between us seem to finally be falling into some order ... and that's good. But ... w-we still have a lot of work to do, I'm sure you yourself know that. A-and ... I'd rather Yusuke finds out about us only after we're certain that things will go well."

"Things will go well?" Takano repeated slowly. "Do you think that perhaps things might not work out between us?"

"I ... don't know. I _want_ everything to be fine, but ... I wanted the same thing before and look at what happened back then..."

"I see." Takano gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Things will be different now."

"Is that so?"

Ritsu knew that things had changed. Of course, it was impossible for them to go back to what they had more than a decade ago. And that was okay. After all, Ritsu and Takano had changed as well. They weren't kids anymore, they were adults who needed to look to the future, not the past.

"Yes. Both of us are different people now." Takano smiled. "I promise you, I won't laugh this time."

"It's not just that!" Ritsu blushed. "I ... you know that it's not going to be easy, right? Don't think that it will be like ... well, like in some manga!"

"Of course that I know that." Takano sighed. "But I won't let that stop me. What about you?"

"N-no ..."

"You don't sound very certain." Takano sounded a bit upset. "But I hope that this will also change."

"Y-yes ..." Ritsu nodded. "I ... I think it will."

Takano smiled. He kissed Ritsu on the lips and then buried his face in his neck again. A few minutes later Ritsu felt his body relax significantly and his breathing become calmer. Takano had fallen asleep, he realized.

Ritsu wanted to sleep too, but he couldn't. He had so many things on his mind. He couldn't deny his relationship with Takano anymore. Now that it was all a fact, however, he couldn't stop thinking about the future. They needed to have so many awkward conversations! And not just with each other - sooner or later, Ritsu would need to inform his parents ... and he and Takano needed to face Yusuke and tell him that they had been lying to him this whole time.

_Yusuke ..._

Ritsu and Yusuke got along well, one could even say that they were close friends, and yet Ritsu doubted that he'd accept their confession calmly. After all, finding out that his older brother, the only person Yusuke had trusted in the past few years, had been deceiving him would surely be a traumatizing experience.

Suddenly he started. If he and Takano were to have a relationship ... then their families would be linked in some degree. He wondered what effect that might have on Yusuke and his feelings. If he managed to get over his crush on Katsuo before Takano and Ritsu made their relationship official, it might not be that big of a problem. But there was no way Ritsu could know how fast Yusuke would move on from Katsuo.

he didn't want his relationship with Takano to cause Yusuke any grief. He felt uncomfortable at the possibility of being happy at the expense of someone else's happiness.

_What should I do?_

Well ... there was no point in agonizing over it now. Ritsu and Takano had promised not to keep such troubling thoughts and emotions to themselves anymore, so before he decided on anything, Ritsu knew he ought to discuss it with Takano first. He nodded to himself and closed his eyes.

* * *

He got a chance to talk with Takano a few days later. The two had left the office to have lunch together. They'd bought boxed lunches and were now sitting in a solitary corner of a nearby park.

"Takano-san," Ritsu began, casting Takano a hesitant glance, "what's happening with Yusuke and ... um, my cousin?"

"Honestly, I don't know." Takano shrugged. "I haven't talked with Yusuke about this recently. I don't think something's happening, though. The other day Yusuke told me that he's not in the same room as the rest of the club anymore."

"Oh? How so?"

"He said he was given some backdrops to color and he was sent to a different room so that he won't be in the way. He didn't seem very happy about it."

"Ohh ..." Perhaps if he was away from Katsuo for a while, it would make it easier for Yusuke to get over his feelings. "D-does he know that Katsuo is my cousin?"

"I don't think so. At least, I didn't tell him anything." Takano looked at Ritsu. "You don't want him to find out, do you?"

"I-I ... I know it's unfair to hide this from him, but I can't help but feel guilty. I know it's silly, but with Katsuo and I being related, I feel responsible for all the pain he's causing Yusuke."

"If Yusuke just talks to him, everything will be fine."

"!?"

Ritsu stared at Takano. Takano ... there was no way he still believed that Katsuo secretly liked Yusuke, was there? He thought they'd reached an agreement on this.

"But, Takano-san ... I told you - Katsuo doesn't like Yusuke."

"Nonsense. It's impossible."

" _Huh?!_ "

Takano took a sip from his drink. He was silent for a few minutes. During that time, Ritsu was becoming more and more agitated. Finally, Takano spoke again.

"Haven't you realized what happening yet?"

"I have, but obviously what I've realized differs from your view of the situation," Ritsu snapped.

"What's happening now between your cousin and my brother is the exact same thing that happened to us ten years ago." Takano must have felt Ritsu's confusion and he was quick to clarify his words. "What I mean is this - Yusuke is just like you. He fell in love with an upperclassman and he is too scared to confess his feelings, so he just watches him from afar and has convinced himself that Katsuo doesn't know who he is-"

"He really doesn't know!"

"-and in the meantime, Katsuo knows who Yusuke is, but for reasons of his own, he doesn't do anything about it," Takano continued, ignoring Ritsu's words. "Just like how we were in high school."

"Just like that, yes." Ritsu's voice radiated sarcasm. "Only with the difference that Katsuo has no idea who Yusuke is and he doesn't have any feelings for him."

"I don't think so. Don't you get it, this is fate!"

"Uhhh ..."

Ritsu hadn't expected this kind of argument. He had no idea how he was supposed to reply to that. The only thing that came to his mind was the obvious rebuttal that there was no such thing as fate. It was pure madness of Takano to think that just because Yusuke's situation slightly resembled their past, it meant something. Besides, weren't all high school love stories kind of the same?

"Takano-san ..."

"Let me guess - you don't think so?"

"I ... I don't know ... maybe you're right." Ritsu didn't really believe it, but he didn't want to disappoint Takano or argue with him. "But ... I mean ... it doesn't look like it for now?"

"What Yusuke needs to do is go and talk to this boy."

"You know very well that Yusuke will never do a thing like that."

"Yeah ..." Takano sighed. "Can't you talk with your cousin? Maybe if you hinted to him that Yusuke likes him ..."

"I'd never do something like that!" Ritsu's face paled. "I don't want to be involved in Yusuke's love life! Besides, he trusted me with his secret and I have no right to reveal it to anyone else!"

"Yeah, you're right ... it wouldn't be fair to Yusuke."

Takano looked so sad that Ritsu felt sorry for him. He moved closer to him. After glancing around to make sure that they were alone, he took Takano's hand. He laced their fingers together, startled to find out just how cold Takano's skin was.

_I should get him some gloves._

"Takano-san, why do you want Yusuke to be with Katsuo so badly? Yusuke is young, he'll have many opportunities to fall in love." Ritsu had been wondering about that for a while now. He just couldn't see a reason behind Takano's insistence. Wasn't an older brother supposed to be protective, and not push thei siblings into having a relationship?

"I ... I've always been worried about Yusuke. Ever since he was a kid." Takano sighed. "He's ... different. I mean, he's a perfectly normal kid, of course, just ... he's not like other boys his age, I think. Maybe that's why it's so hard for him to find friends. I'm worried that the day will come when I won't be there for him and he'll have to fend for himself. In a few years he'll be in college and he'll have to make his own way in life. I'm afraid that he won't be able to do it."

"Ohh ..." Ritsu was beginning to understand. What Takano was saying was true. Yusuke was much too timid. He rarely found the courage to even go shopping by himself.

"I'm hoping that if he finds someone who loves him ... then maybe this will make him stronger, somehow. Or at least he'll have someone to rely on ..."

"I see." Ritsu was frowning slightly. "But I think Yusuke will be fine on his own. I was the same when I was his age. I'm sure that when he gets older, he'll gain more confidence in himself and he won't need to reply on other people so much. I suppose that he just hasn't had a chance to be independent yet."

"Maybe you're right ... But I'm still worried. Yusuke's always let people treat him badly."

Ritsu was taken aback. Until now, neither Takano nor Yusuke had mentioned anything of the sort. Of course, Ritsu was aware that Yusuke didn't have any friends at school, but he didn't think things were this bad.

"If he's being bullied, wouldn't it be wise to change schools then?"

Takano waved a hand impatiently.

"I didn't mean _that_. Yusuke doesn't have that problem, thankfully. I was talking about the past."

"Oh." Ritsu wasn't sure what Takano could be referring to. "Um ... so he was treated badly in the past then?"

"Very." Takano sighed. "Let's not talk about it. It's not a pleasant topic. Besides, it's all over now." He smiled at Ritsu, his eyes glowing with mirth. "I've always felt I was very lucky to have you and Yusuke get along so well. You seemed to like each other instantly from the moment you met, back when we were in high school. I knew then and there that you and I will last forever."

"Y-yeah ... but we sort of screwed up then, huh?"

"We did." Takano was looking him in the eyes. He gave Ritsu's hand a squeeze. "But we're together again. And this time ... nothing will keep us apart."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Katsuo appears!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I finally managed to find the time to finish this chapter and post it! :3 I hope you guys like it.
> 
> This was actually supposed to be longer, but I would have ended up with a 6k chapter in a story with 3k chapters and that didn't sit well with me lol! So I'll post the rest in the next chapter!
> 
> If you like the story, please leave a comment. Also, make sure to check out my other stories too! Thank you!

The autograph event seemed to be going quite well. Upon arriving at the bookstore, Ritsu had been distraught to find there weren't many people in the store. But as the time of the event neared, more and more gathered. Finally, there were so many people that there was an actual risk of the bookshelves getting knocked down.

Of course, the size of crowd was due to the author and her works, but Ritsu couldn't help but feel proud of himself. For weeks on end he'd worked his ass off. He'd bargained, begged and negotiated. Finally, he had succeeded and the company had greenlit his decision to hold an autograph event.

His work would have gone much smoother had he accepted Takano's offer for help. But he hadn't. Ritsu wanted to prove he could take on such an important task on his own.

However, he hadn't refused Takano's offer simply because he wanted to prove himself. He'd done so because he _knew_ that he was able to do it on his own. If there had been even the smallest risk of him failing, Ritsu would have swallowed his pride and accepted help.

_I did all of this. All by myself._

What brought him the biggest joy wasn't the fact that he'd achieved everything with no help. This particular author had been making manga for over a decade now, but she'd never managed to achieve the level of recognition that the other veteran authors had. During print meetings, Ritsu would use all he had to negotiate a higher number of copies for her works. The sales department considered the author too "unknown", despite her long history with the company. So the sight of all the people that arrived - there were at least a couple of hundred - just to meet her had moved him.

Hopefully these numbers would convince the company to have more thrust in this author in the future. After all, very few authors could boast just high attendance at events. Ritsu sighed in content.

Takano was standing right next to him. He heard his sigh and turned to look at Ritsu.

"It's not over yet," he reminded him. "Until the last fan leaves, there's always the risk of something going wrong." Despite his warning, he too couldn't hide the smile that was dancing on his lips. He touched Ritsu's hand lightly. "You're doing well. Good job."

"... T-thanks ..." Ritsu flushed. If he wasn't so giddy that he was praised, he probably would have scoffed at Takano being so touchy in public. "I ... I tried very hard."

There was no need to reveal that while he was working on the event, he'd imagined Takano praising the excellent job he'd done. It would be a very embarrassing admission. Takano was bound to tease him mercilessly about it afterwards.

"I think this will help her," Takano spoke again, nodding to the author. "It's been a while since she was so close to her readers. This will inspire her to work harder."

"I hope so." Ritsu smiled. Autograph events tended to work both ways. They were not only a chance for the readers to meet the author in person and for the company to introduce the works to a wider audience. They were also an opportunity for the authors to glimpse at the popularity of their own works. "Where's Yusuke?"

In an effort to make his brother a bit more sociable, Takano had brought him along to help. Ritsu wasn't sure that his partner's plan would have the desired effect. Yusuke, ever the awkward one, had shaken hands with everyone while staring at his feet. Immediately afterwards he'd left the room, offering to go and arrange the boxes with promotional material for the event. He had yet to reappear.

"He's still back in the storage area." Takano sighed. "I think he's embarrassed of being around Yukina."

"Oh!"

The unbelievingly handsome Yukina was one of the last people Yusuke had met. Ritsu had witnessed their short conversation. It had been painfully awkward, to say the least. At first Yusuke had just stared at Yukina with an open mouth, then he'd blushed brightly and finally he'd mumbled something so quietly that he himself probably had no idea what had come out of his mouth. He'd retreated in shame and soon afterwards had disappeared from the main area entirely.

"Now what, you're going to try setting your brother up with Yukina too?" Ritsu asked. His question came out more spiteful and mocking than he had intended. But Takano didn't seem to notice.

"No." He shook his head. "I think I'll listen to your advice. I won't pressure him into doing things he isn't comfortable with. I don't want him to hate me."

"It's highly unlikely that Yusuke will hate you," Ritsu retorted. "But I'm glad you'll step down. Yusuke doesn't need you pushing him."

At that moment Takano was called to the manager's office. Since editors mainly communicated with bookstore staff via other people, they often used opportunities like today's autograph event to discuss other projects as well.

Left alone, Ritsu was unsure what to do. He and Takano had been supervising the visitors, making sure there were no disturbances. But everything was going smoothly now. He looked at his author. It didn't seem like she needed his help either. At first, she had been shy and hesitant about meeting her fans, but as the event had progressed, it appeared that she'd gained some courage.

_I guess I don't have anything to do._

It felt a bit odd to just be standing there with nothing to do. The last time he'd taken part in an autograph event, he hadn't had much to do as well. But he'd at least made himself useful by passing the author books that neded to be signed. Now he couldn't even do that, as some of the bookstore employees were tasked with it. He smiled a bit sadly. The thought that he was useless at an event he had worked so hard on wasn't a pleasant one.

"Ricchan?"

"Oh!" He flinched, startled at the unexpected voice from behind. He turned around and saw that Yusuke standing infront of him. "What is it, Yusuke? I hope everything's alright."

"Oh, y-yeah. I think so, that is." The teen nodded. "I mean, a cardboard box with some stuff fell over. It's a bit beat-up now, but nothing else was damaged."

"That's nothing." Ritsu waved a hand dissmissively. "Boxes fall over all the time. Don't worry about it, Yusuke."

"Oh, o-okay."

Yusuke looked relieved. Ritsu noticed that his hair was messier than usual. There was also a stain on his sleeve that appeared to be fresh.

"If you want to, you can go get some rest and maybe eat something?" He suggested. "You're here as a volunteer, after all."

"O-oh, n-no thank you. Actually," Yusuke flushed, "I'm having a lot of fun right now. I'm happy that I get to help you and Masamune."

"Is that so? I'm glad then." Ritsu smiled. "But still, please try not to overexert yourself. And why don't you go and clean yourself up a bit?"

Yusuke blinked confused. His hand went up to his hair. He gave his tangled locks a few pats and then blushed. He probably hadn't been aware of how unkempt he looked.

"O-oh, right ... I'll just go to the restroom real quick then and go back to work."

"There's no need to hurry," Ritsu called out after him.

Left alone again, Ritsu checked his phone for any new messages. He'd received some reports from Hatori, who had temporarily been put in charge of Ritsu's other authors. Ritsu read the messages and then replied to them, making sure to add his gratitude as well.

He was putting his phone away when Takano returned.

"You took longer than I expected," Ritsu commented.

"I went to see how Yusuke was doing, but I couldn't find him."

"Oh, you just missed him then. He went to the restroom."

"Is that so? That's good. I was worried he might be hiding somewhere and trying to avoid everyone." Takano sighed. "He sometimes does that. Kinda like you back in high school."

"Hey, I was never _that_ shy!" Ritsu pouted.

Takano smiled.

"I suppose not. I don't think Yusuke would ever blurt out a confession the way you did," he teased. "But honestly, I don't think my memories from high school are very reliable. It's been a long time, and I wasn't really in the right state of mind at the time."

"Yeah ... I don't think I remember things correctly, too ... if I even remember them at all!" Ritsu sighed. "But ... after we ... uh ... got together again ... I've been remembering more things."

"Is that so?" Takano seemed pleased. "What kind of things?"

"W-well ... small things, you know?" He flushed. "Like I remember that you had a keyring that Yusuke had made for you. It was green, I think. And that you always ate store-bought lunches at school."

"Even I don't remember those kinds of things about me." Takano chuckled.

"I-It's not like I'm remembering them on prupose!" Ritsu looked away.

Memory was an odd thing, he thought. Ritsu still couldn't remember the important things about his past. But little details kept coming back to him. It seemed that now that and Takano were together, he wasn't subconsciously repressing his memories about their past relationship.

Perhaps one day, he'd remember everything.

Sighing softly, Ritsu looked at the crowd. There were still so many people here ... It made him happy to know that his author had so many readers. Of course, the event's success was because of the author's talent, but he couldn't help but feel like he had contributed as well.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when someone jumped on his back. Before Ritsu could understand what was happening, his cousin's voice boomed in his ear.

"Ritsu!"

"A-ah ... K-katsuo?"

His cousin was all smiles and sunshine. He jumped off his back and ran his fingers through his hair. He was looking at Ritsu, his dark gray eyes sparkling with joy and innocence. He likely assumed Ritsu's stunned silence was caused by his sudden appearance.

He didn't seem to notice that Ritsu wasn't thrilled to see him at all. And why should he be?! Yusuke was still away, but he could return at any moment. Ritsu didn't want to think about what might happen if he and Katsuo met. He didn't think Yusuke would be able to remain calm around his cousin.

"Um ... W-what are you doing here, Katsuo?" Katsuo rarely visited bookstores on his own volition. He wasn't interested in books.

"I was with some friends here and then we saw this crowd," Katsuo explained happily. "So we came to see what was going on."

It seemed natural that Katsuo, being the sociable person that he was, would be attracted to the large crowd in the bookstore.

"O-oh, is that so?"

Ritsu gave his cousin a nervous smile. He instinctively felt Takano tensing up beside him. Even though Takano had said he wouldn't push Yusuke anymore, Ritsu knew that he hadn't given up on his hope that Yusuke would eventually confess his feelings. And with his cousin here, Ritsu could imagine how tempted Takano was to interfere in his brother's life again. He needed to make Katsuo leave quickly.

"A-ah ... I'm not sure if you remember, but I told you a while ago that I was planning an autograph event. Well, this is it. I ... it's nothing special, as you can see! So there's really no reason for you to hang here and make your friends wait."

"You're so modest, Ritsu!" Katsuo laughed. "This is really impressive. You should be proud of it."

"Oh, yes, yes, I really am!" Ritsu nodded his head rapidly. "Well, I'm very busy now, so-"

"Don't worry, I'll just have a look around, ok?" Katsuo winked and gave him a thumbs up. "I won't bother you while you're working, I promise!"

With once last wave, Katsuo disappeared behind the shelves. Once he was out of sight, Ritsu sighed in relief. This was just _perfect_! He'd feared that things might go wrong at some point during the event, but he never imagined they'd go wrong like _that_! What if Yusuke saw Katsuo here? Worse - what if he found out Katsuo and Ritsu were related? What would he do then?

"So _this_ is Katsuo ..." Takano spoke. "He's different than what Yusuke's told me."

"I bet he is," Ritsu mumbled. People in love often exaggerated and idealized the people they had feelings for. Someone as unexperienced as Yusuke probably didn't even realize that he was doing it.

"How weird ... these two seem like polar opposites."

"Katsuo and Yusuke? Yeah, I thought so too." Ritsu nodded. "But maybe this is why Yusuke is so drawn to him? I mean ... meeting someone so different than him might be what sparked his interest in Katsuo in the first place, right?"

Yusuke was shy and a loner, and he definitely wasn't popular at school. It was only natural then that he'd be attracted to Katsuo, who possessed qualities that Yusuke lacked.

"I guess." Takano was frowning. "Honestly, if I had to choose a boyfriend for my brother, I wouldn't pick _this_ guy. But since this is what Yusuke wants..."

"Oh? A-are you guys talking about me?"

Yusuke had returned without any of them having noticed. Apparently, he'd overheard his brother's last words. He was looking at Ritsu and Takano confused and slightly anxious.

"Ahh ... actually, Yusuke, we ... um ..." Ritsu stammered, trying to think of something.

"We were talking about you and the boy you like," Takano said rather bluntly.

Yusuke's eyes grew wide. He tried saying something, but only a few unclear mumbles came out. He looked down at his feet, clutching his hands in each other. Ritsu noticed that his cheeks were bright red.

He watched him with slight worry. Yusuke didn't look as upset as he would have thought. He just looked tired and resigned. It was clear that Takano's past efforts of making him more assertive still had an impact on him.

"Um ... isn't it a bit inappropriate to talk about this here?" Yusuke asked with a quiet voice. He still had his gaze down. "Can't we ... can't we talk about this later, when we get back home?"

"Yes, yes, of course! You're right." Ritsu looked at Takano. He thought that Takano should have been more tactful. Yusuke was so sensitive, especially when it came to his feelings. Takano ought to be aware of that. "Yusuke, why don't you go to-"

"Hey, Ritsu? Is this also one of yours?"

Ritsu's blood ran cold when he heard Katsuo's voice. He'd hoped that his cousin would get lost in the crowd and that Yusuke would never find out that the two had been so near each other. How could he have known that Katsuo would actually come back?

"Um ..."

Ritsu glanced at Yusuke. The boy was petrified! His face had paled and he was staring at Katsuo with a slightly open mouth. Then he suddenly moved his gaze to Takano. The fear on his face was evident and Ritsu realized that Yusuke was more nervous of his brother doing something than of Katsuo's actual presence.

Katsuo, who was completely unaware of the turmoil he was causing, was holding a magazine in his hand. The brightly colored cover suggested it was aimed at young girls, but it seemed to have grabbed his attention too. He was looking at Ritsu expectantly before something made him look at Yusuke. He stared at him for a few seconds and then smiled widely.

"Well hi there! It's so weird to see you here! How do you know Ritsu?"

"Huh?" Takano and Ritsu exclaimed at the same time.

"Isn't this so weird?" Katsuo chuckled. He turned to Ritsu with a face as innocent as a newborn's. "Ritsu, you were asking me about some guy but it turns out, I know someone else! How weird is that?"

"Oh, no, no!" Ritsu waved his arms around, flushed. Yusuke was looking at him, his eyes asking questions his lips dared not say aloud, and it was making him feel so _guilty_. "I-I ... I was asking you about him, actually."

"No you weren't. You asked me about some guy named Yusuke, remember?"

"..."

Ritsu wasn't sure what to say. Katsuo apparently knew Yusuke, but he didn't know his _name_. What an embarrassing situation for everyone! Should Ritsu correct him? But if he did so, then Yusuke would know for sure that Ritsu had gone behind his back and talked with Katsuo about him. In his helplessness, Ritsu looked at Takano who seemed equally confused.

At that moment Yusuke surprised them both by speaking up.

"Um ... I'm Yusuke, actually."

His voice was quiet. He also wasn't looking at Katsuo directly. Instead, he had his eyes fixed on the magazine the other was holding. He had a bright red spot on each cheek.

"For real?! Aw, man, this is _so_ embarrassing!" Katsuo laughed. "I thought your name was Yoshio. I dunno why, I think someone told me that's what your name was?" He shrugged merrily. "Anyway ... you're the guy that does the backdrops at school, right?"

Yusuke opened his mouth, closed it again and then nodded shyly.

"Man, lemme tell you - they're awesome! They look so real! And you arrange the stage props too, right? You're really talented, you know that? I mean, it kinda looks simple, just putting some furniture together, but it's actually not." Katsuo gave him a wide smile. "You should do my room sometimes. I'm sure I'll love it."

"O-ohh ... I-I ... um ... uh ..." It was obvious that Yusuke was unable to speak clearly when the he was the centre of attention, especially when it was Katsuo that was giving him that attention. "I-I ... I'm not really good at t-that ..."

"Nah, I bet you're awesome at artsy stuff like that." Katsuo smiled. "Say, how do you know Ritsu anyway? Did you know that we're cousins?"

"O-oh!" Yusuke turned to Ritsu, wide-eyed. "I didn't know that! Ricchan never mentioned it!" He looked like he was about to faint.

"Ricchan? That's a cute nickname." Katsuo chuckled. "So, how do you know him?"

"Um ..." Yusuke gestured at Takano. "He's my brother ... um ... sorry, I need to go to the restroom."

He quickly departed. As he was walking away, Ritsu could see that his hands were shaking.

"He's really shy, isn't he?" Katsuo remarked casually. "Don't think I've ever met anyone like him. Well, I'm gonna go buy this. See you later, _Ricchan_!"

After he'd left, Ritsu sighed and looked at Takano. He was surprised to find that Takano was looking at his phone. He was perfectly calm, as if nothing had happened.

"You were very quiet, I thought you'd say something for sure," Ritsu said.

"I didn't think it was my place to say anything." Takano shrugged. "I'll go find Yusuke. Can you handle things on your own here?"

Ritsu nodded. He found himself alone again, but this time he welcomed it. Now that both Takano and Yusuke were away, he could allow his face to show how worried he was.

What a mess! Yusuke now knew that Ritsu had kept secrets from him and he surely wouldn't be happy about that. How could Ritsu face him after what had just happened? Yusuke was normally a happy kid who never held grudges, but he did get into a sour mood once in a while. Ritsu and Yusuke had never been on anything but friendly terms and knowing that Yusuke could be disappointed in him left him with a burning feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach.

Maybe this was why Takano had left to look for the teen on his own. He must have realized that Yusuke would be upset. Maybe he felt that he needed to talk to his brother to lessen the damage Ritsu and Katsuo had done? Hopefully, he would at least manage to pave the way for Ritsu to apologize properly.

_If Yusuke hates me ... I'll never forgive myself for it._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our saga continues with the aftermath of what happened the previous chapter, and has our trio dealing with apologies, feelings, and other personal stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story's almost to an end, with 3 chapters left, and you know what this means - Ritsu is coming closer to that love confession we've all been waiting for. And Yusuke still has some things left to figure out!
> 
> If everything goes well, I should be posting chapter 8 fairly soon, mabe in a week or two? It will be from Yusuke's point of view, and will feature only Yusuke and Katsuo, but I do think it'll be fun to read, so please look forward to it!
> 
> Also, please let me know what you think of this chapter! And if you like my writing, maybe check out my other stories too?

They were silent on their trip back from the bookstore. Running an autograph event was exhausting enough, and the blunder Ritsu had made had sapped away his remaining energy. His body felt limp, like a rag doll's, and the only reason he was still moving was because he was using all of his efforts to push himself to walk. He knew that if he stopped, even for a second, he'd collapse on the ground. And wouldn't that be a fitting end to this day?!

Yusuke was walking beside him. Ritsu observed the boy's tense shoulders and pursed lips with a faint sense of guilt. It seemed that he wasn't the only one who was stressed out.

"Um ... Yusuke?"

Ritsu spoke softly, feeling slightly uneasy. He knew he had to be cautious. With his current demeanour, Yusuke reminded him of an animal in captivity. His stiff and silent exterior could be a deception, with the teen's _real_ feelings boiling just under the surface. One wrong word could bring them out in the open. And then what was Ritsu to do?!

An onlooker might have found his anxiety a bit exaggerated. Yusuke was the least threatening person in the world, after all. He'd never succumbed to emotions like rage or spite. Still, he had the fluctuating temperament of an artist, and while Ritsu had never experienced any negative reactions from the teen himself, he had been a witness to Yusuke's sourer moods. They were usually directed at Takano, and were no worse than brotherly spats. But they were unpleasant enough for Ritsu not to wish them on himself.

And he had quite a good reason to bring Yusuke's wrath unto him. Katsuo appearing at the autograph event was bad enough, but when he'd let it slip that he and Ritsu were cousins, he'd revealed one of Ritsu's most guarded secrets to Yusuke. And it didn't seem that Yusuke had taken it so well. After Ritsu had managed to get rid of his cousin, Yusuke had excused himself and had departed as well. He didn't appear again until it was time for them to leave.

Ritsu knew he needed to apologize, but he also knew he shouldn't talk to Yusuke while they were on the train. Yusuke wasn't comfortable with discussing personal matters in public, out of fear that there were strangers around that might overhear him. Ritsu finally felt he could speak up when they were walking up the hill to their apartment building. No one else was in sight, so hopefully Yusuke would feel less awkward.

Ritsu called his name to get his attention. Yusuke, however, didn't reply, and after a while, Ritsu tried again, this time in a slightly louder tone.

"Yusuke ... I ... um ..."

He trailed off, unsure of how to continue. Should he start off with the apology, or perhaps try to explain why he'd been so secretive first? He'd never been in such a situation before, so he wasn't sure what was the best course of action.

Yusuke was treading slowly, with his gaze locked on the ground. When he heard Ritsu's voice, he flinched and looked up at him.

"Ohh, Ricchan, sorry! I ... I wasn't really listening to you." He offered an anxious smile. He seemed just as embarrassed as Ritsu, and much to Ritsu's relief, there wasn't any trace of anger in his voice. His next words proved even more of a surprise. "I ... uh ... I think I ought to apologize to you. I didn't know you and Moriyama-kun were related. It ... it must have been very awkward for you to listen to me talk about him …"

Ritsu hadn't expected such a development. He'd been so engrossed thinking about Yusuke being angry with him that he hadn't even considered the possibility that it would be _Yusuke_ who'd feel guilty over learning that he and Katsuo were cousins. Such a reaction was ridiculous, of course, as there was nothing that Yusuke should be apologetic for, and Ritsu was quick to respond.

"Oh, don't worry about it. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. As you said, you had no idea." Ritsu waved his hands and then looked at Takano who was walking a few steps ahead of them. He was kind of irritated that Takano wasn't helping him deal with the situation. "Really, Yusuke, don't think so much about it."

Despite Ritsu's assurance, Yusuke continued to look morose. He turned his attention to the ground again.

"Y-yeah, but ... I don't know, I think I could have been more discreet. I mean … I do realize that listening to someone go on and on about the person they like isn't a very … pleasant experience. I'm sorry to have put you through it." He sighed. Then, suddenly, he smiled and an uncharacteristic bounce appeared in his steps. "He was really nice though, wasn't he? Moriyama-kun, I mean. He even said he liked my work! I ..." He paused and his smile faded slightly. "... He _did_ say that, right? I mean, I didn't imagine it or anything, did I?"

"No, no, he definitely said it. We all heard him," Ritsu assured him, and Yusuke sighed in relief.

"It was so nice of him to do so," he repeated. "Moriyama-kun is nice to everyone. That's why he's so popular."

"Yeah, I suppose."

Yusuke had apparently forgotten the tiny detail that Katsuo hadn't really known who he was. Surely, if he'd truly cared for Yusuke, he would have bothered to learn his name. But Ritsu thought it would be best if he didn't point that out to the clearly infatuated Yusuke. It seemed that Katsuo's compliment had cheered the teen up quite a bit, even if it was said out of mere politeness. It would be cruel of Ritsu to take that bit of joy away.

Besides, it was nice to see Yusuke happy again. Ritsu had feared that he'd be so shocked and upset, he wouldn't want to talk to him again. He was glad to discover this wasn't the case after all.

They stepped into the elevator and Ritsu pressed the button to their floor. The short ride up went in silence. It was only after they'd stepped out of the cabin that Takano spoke for the first time since they'd left the book store.

"Yusuke, I'll go with Onodera to his place. We need to discuss some work things. Will you be fine on your own for a while?"

"Of course." Yusuke nodded, and then smiled. "Don't torment him too much, Masamune! Ricchan needs to rest. You do too, for that matter."

"I know, I know." Takano smiled as well. "I promise I won't be too hard on him. It's just some minor things we need to figure out before tomorrow. Don't worry, Yusuke."

"Alright then." Yusuke was still smiling, but sounded doubtful. He was very well acquainted with his brother's workaholic nature. "I'll go take a nap, and then start working on dinner, ok? You'll be back by then, right?"

Ritsu remained silent during the conversation. While he was a bit miffed that Takano had once again invited himself to Ritsu's home without asking for his permission first, for once he didn't fully mind it. There were things the two needed to discuss, after all, and Ritsu felt he owed Takano an apology too. It would be wise if this conversation happened somewhere away from Yusuke.

So, after giving Takano a side glance, Ritsu unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped aside so that Takano could go in first.

"Don't let him mess with you, Ricchan!" Yusuke said. "I'm counting on you!"

"I won't." Ritsu smiled. "Now you go and rest, ok? You've had a long day."

He followed Takano inside and closed the door behind them. He'd been rehearsing what he wanted to say to him since earlier that afternoon, and was so eager to apologize for what had happened that he began talking even before they could take off their shoes.

"I-I'm really sorry, I had no idea Katsuo would show up," he spoke hastily. "If I'd known, I would have made sure that Yusuke wouldn't see him. I-"

"It's fine, you didn't know." Takano raised a hand to stop him. "Besides, it was nice to finally meet this Katsuo in person. I have to say, I didn't really expect Yusuke would fall for that kind of guy. I always thought he'd look for someone more like himself." He was frowning slightly. "Tell me – does this guy even have anything in common with Yusuke?"

Ritsu thought for a moment. Truth be told, he didn't know much about his cousin. Their age gap, as well as the fragile relationship between their mothers had made it almost impossible for them to spend any time together. But even though Ritsu didn't know Katsuo that well, he was confident in saying that his wild cousin had little in common with the bookish Yusuke.

"I don't think so. I mean … Katsuo seems to be more into … social activities." He shook his head with a sigh. "Which isn't something Yusuke enjoys, I'm afraid. Hopefully the next person he falls for will be more suited for him."

"Eh?" Takano frowned. "Why would he fall for someone else?"

"W-well ... because ... I mean, you don't want him getting hung up on Katsuo, do you?"

Takano gave him an odd look. He didn't say anything, though. Instead, he took off his shoes and walked into the apartment. Annoyed, Ritsu kicked off his own loafers and followed Takano into the kitchen.

"You got anything to drink?" Takano asked while opening.

"Just water and ice tea."

"And energy drinks too, I see," he remarked disapprovingly. "I'm starting to suspect you might have an addiction to them. If you're not careful, you're gonna ruin half your organs with those stuff."

"Will you forget about my damn organs?" Ritsu was fast losing patience with Takano. He couldn't understand why Takano was acting in such a weird manner. "Why would you want Yusuke to continue having feelings for Katsuo? As I told you, Katsuo doesn't like Yusuke."

Takano calmly took a bottle of water and drank from it. Ritsu watched his actions with a grimace. Even if he and Takano were in a relationship, that didn't mean Takano could just take his stuff without permission. And would it kill him to use a glass?!

"Don't be so sure about that." Takano returned the bottle in the fridge. "I saw how your cousin was looking at Yusuke today. I don't think my brother should give up hope yet."

"What?" Ritsu was startled. He hadn't noticed Katsuo looking at Yusuke in any unusual manner, so he was at a loss for what Takano meant. "No, Takano-san, look ... Katsuo, he ... he's only dated girls so far. He isn't into guys, at all."

"You can't be sure about that, though, can you?"

"I mean …"Ritsu hesitated. "I think I can be quite certain about it. If Katsuo was into other guys, he would have said so. He's not one to keep such a thing a secret, after all. A-and … saying you like how someone draws doesn't really mean you like them, right?"

"If you have feelings for someone," Takano insisted, "every word you speak is out of love."

"I guess that's true … B-but I feel that this should only apply to romantic partners ... And Katsuo doesn't love Yusuke."

Takano looked like he wanted to argue more, but Ritsu was exhausted. He'd had quite a long and stressful day, and he had no desire to discuss the matter any longer. If he had to be honest, at least to himself, he wanted nothing more than to take a bath, have a quiet dinner with Takano, and then maybe fall asleep in Takano's arms. Not that he'd ever mention that last part to Takano ...

While he wasn't indifferent to Yusuke, the teen's love life was something private, and Ritsu felt he had no business meddling in it. No more than he had already, that was. And frankly, he felt that Takano's interest in his brother's affairs was more than a little unhealthy. He could understand such behaviour to some extent, but Takano's meddling had long ago crossed the line into obsession, and Ritsu suspected that if he kept pushing his luck like that, Takano could damage his relationship with his brother irreparably.

Now the question was … how to explain this to Takano himself?

"I'm sorry, Takano-san, but I don't want to talk about this any more." Ritsu sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I care about Yusuke a lot, really! But ... how about we let him live his own life, hm? I mean, if he makes a mistake, it will be his own mistake, you know?"

"I don't wanthim to make _any_ mistakes."

"Look, you can't stop it." Ritsu sighed. Takano had the pretence of being experienced and mature, yet he could be so dense when it came to certain matters. "People ... we make mistakes. And sometimes that's good, because ... we learn from them. Yusuke ... you said you didn't want him to grow up dependant on someone, but if you keep interfering with the most personal and intimate part of his life - well, you aren't leaving him much choice, are you? You're making him dependant on _you_."

Takano looked shocked. He was frozen in place, staring at Ritsu intently. He looked so dismayed that Ritsu wondered whether he hadn't been too sharp in his wording. He was about to apologize when Takano spoke up.

"I guess you're right. I hadn't ... I didn't think of it that way." He was frowning, obviously displeased with himself. He took his glasses off and put them on the counter. "Shit ... I guess I don't come out looking so good in this one."

"You really don't." Ritsu smiled lightly. He didn't have it in him to be stern with Takano when he was so dejected. "As I said … people make mistakes. And we learn from them. So … take it as a learning opportunity for yourself?"

Takano looked at him. His lips curled into a smile and he chuckled.

"I can't believe that you've ended up lecturing _me_!"

"This isn't a laughing matter!" Ritsu pouted. He'd never expected that his well-meant words would be turned against him. He crossed his arms and turned away from Takano.

"I know, I know. I'm touched, actually, that you're trying so hard to cheer me up." Takano pulled Ritsu closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I appreciate it."

"Hm, yes, well …" Ritsu cleared his throat. Takano's kiss had left a burning spot on his skin. "So you won't interfere any more with this business?"

"With Yusuke and your cousin? I guess I should step down." Takano sighed. "I really didn't think I could be doing something bad … I was just trying to look after Yusuke."

"I know you were." Ritsu smiled. "I think that you were so immersed in Yusuke's love life that you were unable to take a step back and look at the real picture." He stirred slightly, feeling quite comfortable in Takano's arms. "I guess it's not easy being an older brother, huh?" He asked softly.

Growing up without siblings, Ritsu had always felt quite lonely at home. He remembered wishing for a younger brother as a child, but Takano and Yusuke's relationship made him doubt whether he'd be able to handle the pressure and responsibility that came with being an older sibling.

"It's not. Especially when you're forced to be a parent as well." Takano sighed.

"Oh? Is that how you were with Yusuke?"

Takano nodded. He'd rarely opened up about his past, though this particular bit of information was something that Ritsu had already guessed by himself. He remembered that before their parents divorced, Yusuke was often left in Takano's care. Still, for Takano to call himself a parent to Yusuke … wasn't that going too far?

"What about your parents?" Ritsu asked. "Surely they must-"

"Yusuke doesn't talk to either of them," Takano interrupted him. He wasn't looking at Ritsu when he said it. "Neither do I, for that matter."

"Oh, I see …" Ritsu sensed that he shouldn't pry any further. It seemed like a sensitive topic.

"Yeah ... It's been just him and me for the past few years. It hasn't been easy, you know." Despite what he was saying, there was a smile on Takano's lips. "Though I have to admit, Yusuke is far less trouble than a regular teenager."

"I suppose." Ritsu smiled as well. "You're doing a really good job taking care of him."

"Of course I am." Takano huffed. "He's my little brother and I love him."

"You really do." Ritsu smiled. "I really … I really admire that about you, Takano-san. Ever since high school, you've been so kind and caring to Yusuke. It's … really amazing."

Before he and Takano had started dating in high school, Ritsu hadn't even suspected that Takano had a younger brother. Takano had always been cold and withdrawn at school, and only those who knew him closely – if there were even such people – were aware of the existence of his nurturing and gentle side.

"Yusuke had no one else but me. I had to take care of him." Takano sighed. "We didn't really have a happy childhood, Yusuke and I."

"I guess not. But … it's not too late, you know. For Yusuke to be happy."

"That's what I'm hoping for." Takano nodded. "I want my brother to be happy." He was silent for a while. "You think he'll make a good choice about this whole business?"

"Honestly, no." Sensible as Yusuke was, he was still a teenager, and they weren't known for making smart decisions. "But … I think he'll be fine no matter what he does. You'll see to it."

"I sure will." Takano smiled. "I just need to hold myself from interfering. Man, that'll be tough."

"I'm sure you could do it, Takano-san."

With Takano being Yusuke's main caregiver, it probably wouldn't be easy for him to let go of his controlling tendencies. But for Yusuke's sake, he needed to learn to do so.

"Probably." Takano smirked. "I expect you to keep me distracted, you know?"

"D-distracted …?"

"Yeah. I mean, it'd be best for Yusuke if I didn't interfere anymore, right? So, I'll need you to distract me with something. I'm sure you can think of what to do."

Ritsu flushed with indignation. He gave Takano a deadly glare.

"D-don't … you don't need to use this matter with Yusuke to make a move on me!"

"That's good to know." Takano smirked and tightened his grip on him. Upon seeing Ritsu shrink in his arms, he chuckled softly. "How can you still be so shy with me?"

"It's not like I want to be ..." Ritsu mumbled defensively.

While his renewed relationship with Takano was liberating to some extent, Ritsu still couldn't bring himself to open up entirely to him. It wasn't because he was still unconvinced in his feelings. He simply didn't have it in him to be, as Takano often put it, _lovey-dovey_.

Could it be that his inability to confess his love out loud inhibited him in some way? Ritsu could hardly believe that. He hadn't been very affectionate back in high school, even though he'd had no problem professing his love then.

Perhaps he just didn't have it in him to be open and loving with anyone, no matter how strong his feelings about them were. He loved Takano, he really did, but the truth of the matter was that even if he tried to be affectionate, any action on his part would come out forced and insincere. He hoped that Takano understood that.

"You were always pretty shy, huh?" Takano remarked with a smile. "I remember you used to be frightened of Yusuke too … and he couldn't have been more than five or six at the time!"

"T-that's-!" Ritsu flushed. "I was just anxious that he might catch onto our relationship and say something to your parents!"

"So what if he did?"

"So … what?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I wasn't really trying to hide our relationship. If my parents had made it an issue, I would have just ignored them. But honestly, I don't really think they cared enough about me to complain about who I was dating."

"So ..." Ritsu paused for a few seconds. "Back then, you wouldn't have minded … if people knew about us?"

"Of course not. I was in love with you. I still am. And … I want everyone else to know that too." Takano's features softened and he gave Ritsu a small smile. "But I understand that you're not really into that. So it's ok."

He put a hand under Ritsu's chin and forced him to look up. He gave him a soft kiss, lingering on his lips for only a few seconds, long enough for Ritsu to taste the tobacco from the cigarette Takano had had while they were waiting for the train. A familiar shiver ran through his body and he clutched the front of Takano's shirt. By the time Takano had pulled away, Ritsu's cheeks were flushed and his lips were trembling. Through half-lidded eyes, he could see that Takano was smiling.

"Yeah …" Takano mumbled as he tightened his grip on Ritsu's hips. "This will do nicely." His eyes flashed amused for a second before he leaned in for another kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katsuo and Yusuke talk about the joys of painting furniture and their childhoods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may have taken me a loooong time to update, so ... sorry about that! orz
> 
> This chapter is centered around Yusuke and Katsuo, so there's no Takano and Ritsu unfortunately. I hope you still like it, though, as I put a lot of effort into it!

The coffee table had never been particularly good-looking. It was carved out of a whole piece of wood, and had bulking edges and short, thick legs. Someone, for some unknown reason, had thought that carving it would improve it. It hadn't, as the intricate symbols on the table's surface clashed with its primitive shape. To add to this, time had left its mark on it as well, leaving it bruised and shabby.

Despite all this, Yusuke liked it. Old and used furniture looked so _real_. Newer and modern designs were undoubtedly better looking, all shiny , undamaged and sleek, but there was something heart-warming about furniture that carried the trace of human touch. It only took one look at this table for one to see it had been used. Perhaps children had scribbled and played with their toys on it, or elderly ladies had put their teacups down on it while they reminisced about their youth. Families had probably gathered around it to spend some time together.

Yes, this table had seen a lot of happiness, Yusuke thought. And probably some disasters too, judging by the burned spots on two of its legs.

Painting the table had proven a challenge. The wood was grainy, with dents and hollows that the paintbrush couldn't reach, so Yusuke had to fill them in separately. But it wasn't just the physical aspect of what he was doing that was so hard for him. The act of covering the table with new paint, and thus erasing all traces of the people that had used it didn't sit well with him.

However, he could at least console himself that he was preparing the table - and the other furniture he needed to paint over - for a new life. A life on stage – perhaps not so glamorous for a piece of furniture as it would be for humans. But a kind of life nonetheless.

Yusuke suddenly frowned and tossed his head in annoyance. Ah, he really needed to stop getting so carried away! The coffee table was an inanimate object; it had no feelings about its past or future.

Masamune would often tease him for being a sappy romantic. Yusuke could imagine how much fun he'd have if he ever learned that Yusuke had been musing on the fate of an old coffee table!

Thankfully, his brother would never learn of this gaffe, for the simple reason that no one would tell him. No one else was here to witness what Yusuke was doing. The other people in the drama club were in another room, discussing their upcoming play. Yusuke used to do his tasks with them, until it was pointed out that the fumes from the paints were unpleasant to the rest of the students. So the school administration had moved him to a little cellar-like room where the fumes would bother no one but him.

It wasn't a nice room, and definitely not one suited for paintwork. The only window had been sealed shut and bolted years ago, but no decent air conditioning system had been installed. This made the air in the room quite dangerous, and in order to make it less damaging, Yusuke had left the door to the hallway wide open.

The lighting was what truly worried him, however. Yusuke only had to rely on a pair of ceiling lamps to do his work, and while they were sufficiently powerful, they couldn't replace natural light completely. Nor was the light as bright as the one on stage. Yusuke was forced to rely on his instinct while he worked on the props and decors to paint them in such a way that they'd look good on stage.

It was odd how much he'd come to care for what he did. Yusuke had never been particularly interested in acting or stage work. In fact, he'd refused to join the drama club at first, thinking that doing so meant he'd have to appear on stage in front of an audience - a prospect so frightening to him that, even now, it brought cold sweat to his skin. However, his school regulations were such that he _had_ to join some club. With all other options being sports, he'd had no choice but to pick drama.

His choice been a lucky one, he thought. Instead of acting, he was assigned stage work, which suited him perfectly. Painting the decors was fun, and Yusuke got to experiment with different styles. He also couldn't help but think about how his work could go on to be used long after he'd left the school. In a way, they could be seen as his legacy, and this was certainly something any artist would feel proud of.

And the other reason he was glad he'd joined the drama club was ... because he got to meet Katsuo.

Up until a few weeks ago, love had passed Yusuke by without leaving a mark on him. In fact, the closest encounter he'd had with it was when one of his classmates gave him chocolates for Valentines day. That had been in his first year of elementary school, and Yusuke was still confused as to why she had done so.

One might think that with so little experience, his feelings for Katsuo wouldn't be as strong as they were. But there was no doubt in Yusuke's mind or heart. From the moment he saw Katsuo, he just _knew_. It was love.

It was also a source of constant stress. Katsuo's presence at the drama club made Yusuke feel so awkward! It wasn't anything he did, really. Katsuo didn't even glance Yusuke's way, and Yusuke wasn't sure whether he should be glad or sad about that. On one hand, having the boy he loved be completely unaware of his presence was kind of hurtful. On the other hand, though, he was certain that if Katsuo showed him the least bit of attention, Yusuke's heart would explode and he'd die in front of everyone, which would be very embarrassing.

In a way, he was grateful that he'd been sent to another room. It solved a lot of his problems, albeit temporarily. In this little cellar room, he was not only far away from Katsuo, but the rest of the club members as well. They were all nice people, and serious about what they were doing. But Yusuke felt that, somehow, everyone knew about his feelings for Katsuo. What's more, he felt that people found them amusing.

It wasn't because he was a boy who had feelings for another boy. The students in the drama club were the most open-minded in the whole school. Yusuke didn't doubt that they were accepting of all kinds of love. What caused them to mock his love was the huge contrast between Yusuke's and Katsuo's personalities. As if his shyness and insignificancemade his love less real and serious!

It was horrible, knowing that people were laughing at him behind his back. Sometimes Yusuke wished he could just ... escape all of that. Go away somewhere, or simply disappear into thin air.

But he'd just found a place where he was finally happy and safe, and it would be ridiculous to run away, even if he could. His brother had said something similar too when Yusuke had shared his worries with him.

"You've gone through so much worse," Masamune had told him. "You'd be a moron if you let something so insignificant get to you."

He was right, of course, albeit he could have been more tactful in his wording. It was silly for Yusuke, who'd endured such horrible things, to cave in because a handful of people found his feelings funny.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when a clump of hair fell over his face.

"Hmph!"

Yusuke frowned at the unruly lock and tossed his head backwards, trying to move the hair away from his face. He didn't succeed, which annoyed him. Both his hands were tainted with paint, so he couldn't use them to fix this little nuisance. If he got paint on his hair, it would take him hours to clean it off. After all, the stuff he was working with was supposed to stay on for _years_. Maybe if he kept tossing his head around he'd eventually manage to get this nasty thing away from his eyes?

"Hey."

Yusuke flinched and froze mid-toss. The voice came from behind him. With the door wide open, it was easy for anyone to walk in without Yusuke hearing them. Slightly embarrassed at having been caught doing something so silly, he turned around. His eyes widened when he saw Katsuo standing in the doorway.

"O-ohh ..." He reached to pull his his bandanna down, but decided against it. "Hello ..."

What was _he_ doing here? Katsuo had never as much as glanced at him before. For him to be here ... did it mean that he'd been looking for Yusuke? The thought was as exciting as it was worrying, and Yusuke felt blood rushing to his cheeks. He was glad he'd decided to leave his face covered.

Just like in everything else, Katsuo was his complete opposite even now. While Yusuke felt as if there was a storm raging in his chest, and a fire burning in his cheeks, Katsuo remained perfectly calm. He strode into the room with his hands in his pockets and looked around.

"So this where you paint all the backdrops," he said. "Seems kinda a grim place."

"I g-guess it is. It's ... uh ... it's not very suited for what I'm doing. But I didn't really have a choice," Yusuke pointed out. He'd been told to use this particular room, and he couldn't really say anything against it.

"Man, if I were forced to be by myself I'd probably die," Katsuo said with a smile. It was obvious that he was joking, though Yusuke thought there might be some truth behind his words. He couldn't remember ever seeing Katsuo alone. "What are you painting now?"

Katsuo looked at the canvases that Yusuke had stacked by the wall. They weren't anything spectacular. Yusuke had managed to renovate some of them. The others were old, with fading paint. Some of them were even broken.

"I'm actually not painting anything today," Yusuke replied. He gestured to the pile of old furniture stacked by another wall. "We got these last week. Most of them are sturdy, so you can use them as props on stage. But they need to be repainted and polished."

"That's so cool!" Katsuo said with a grin. "I bet that if I were an old chair, I'd be very happy to know I can still be useful. I bet it's a lot of fun painting furniture. I've never done it, but it looks neat."

"It's not as fun as you might think," Yusuke replied and pushed his glasses up. Truth be told, it was a bit boring and the smell was too much for him. He didn't want to dispel Katsuo's illusions though, so he continued before the other could say anything. "But it is nice to see how much a new layer of paint can change something! It's ... almost like magic." He gave Katsuo an uncertain look. "Sorry, I'm rambling and taking up your time. Is there something you need, Moriyama-kun?"

After all, Katsuo should be with the others from the drama club. The teacher that was supervising them was notoriously stern, so it wasn't very likely that he'd allow Katsuo to roam around the school freely.

"Nah, not really," Katsuo replied with a shrug. "I convinced the teacher to let us go early. Just stopped by to tell you that - it seems unfair for you to be left here working while the rest of us get to leave."

"O-oh!" Yusuke's voice shook slightly. The fact that Katsuo had thought about him, had deliberately came here for him ... was more than he could handle. "That's very n-nice of you, Moriyama-kun. B-but ... w-well ... I think I ought to finish painting the furniture. It needs time to dry after that, you know."

His cheeks had to be so red now that Yusuke was sure Katsuo would be able to see them through his bandana, so he turned his head away. As he did so, the same strand of hair from before dangled in front of his nose again. How maddening ... He frowned and instinctively tossed his head backwards in an effort to toss it behind his ear. He couldn't do it, naturally, but he did manage to get Katsuo's attention.

"What do you think you're doing? That'll never work." He chuckled as he stepped closer to Yusuke. He rested his eyes on Yusuke's face for a few seconds before he pushed the strand of hair away, fastening it with a hair clip. "That's a lot of hairclips. I don't think I've ever seen so many in someone's hair!"

"I-I … I don't have any other choice!" Yusuke defended himself as he took a few hasty steps away from Katsuo. "I can't really wear it down while I'm painting, and it's way too short at the front to tie it all together. And just one or two clips wouldn't do, it's too thick!"

Perhaps he did use more hairclips than he ought to, but Yusuke preferred to be on the safe side.

"It sucks that you need to tie your hair. It looks better when it's loose."

"Oh?" Yusuke pulled his bandanna down and stared at Katsuo. "You ... you really think so?"

"Yeah, man! Your hair is so puffy, like a lion's mane. it's really cool."

Yusuke blushed. He'd been embarrassed when Katsuo had complimented his painting before, but this was different. it felt, somehow, more personal. Perhaps that was because to say anything about his appearance, Katsuo had to have been looking at Yusuke.

He'd never liked his hair. He could never get it to look how he wanted - there would always be one curl that stuck out at an odd angle, or it just looked ... wrong. Perhaps when it got longer, it would be more manageable, but at this point it was just a mess. However, Katsuo's comment did make him feel better about it. After all, if Katsuo found his hair cool ... then it really couldn't be that bad, could it?

He noticed that Katsuo was still watching him and blushed.

"W-what is it?"

"You have a stain on your cheeks. Looks fresh too."

"O-oh! W-where?"

Instead of replying, Katsuo simply reached forward and wiped the stain off with his thumb. Yusuke's skin went aflame at the touch. Katsuo's fingers on his skin felt so nice, but no, no, no, he shouldn't have done that. How was Yusuke supposed to remain calm when they were so close?

"Hey ... if you're not gonna leave, then can I stay?"

"Huh?" Yusuke blinked. It was hard for him to focus on anything. "Stay...?" He repeated.

"Stay here while you do your thing," Katsuo explained. Yusuke's odd behavior didn't seem to have made an impression on him. "I like watching people work."

"O-oh ... I d-don't think you need to ask for permission to do t-that ..."

Katsuo shrugged. He went to a desk which was far enough so that he wouldn't be in the way, but still close enough to Yusuke so that they could talk without raising their voices, and sat on top of it.

"Some people don't like being watched, I've heard," he said. "Especially artists - I think most of them enjoy being alone and making art."

"I d-don't think I can be called an artist ... I'm just painting some furniture."

Yusuke didn't like being watched as well, because it made him feel extremely conscious of himself and his flaws. But he couldn't say so to Katsuo. The two were finally having a conversation - a nice one at that - and Yusuke didn't want it to end. He was willing to endure the pressure of being watched if it meant he could hang out with Katsuo for a few more hours.

_He already knows my real name ... That's progress, right? I don't want to ruin it by making him leave ..._

"How can you say you're not an artist? What do you think you're doing here then?" Katsuo gestured at the backdrops, decors, and furniture that Yusuke had already painted. "You need to be more confident in yourself, Yusuke."

"A-ahh ... I don't think I can ..." He blushed. "I've never been ... c-confident ..."

"It shows," Katsuo remarked. "Why's that? Have you always been like this?"

"Mm ..." Yusuke thought about it. "I don't think so ... I think ... well, some things happened in my family and ... I suppose I could do nothing more than blame myself for things that were out of my control ... I s-suppose that I'm still not over it ..."

"Will you tell me what happened?" Katsuo asked, apparently intrigued, as he leaned slightly forward. "It's no problem if you don't want to share it with me. I'm just curious."

"I-I ... I haven't talked about this with anyone ... n-not even with my brother ... W-we'd rather just ignore the past ..." Yusuke looked down. He'd never thought anyone would find his past interesting enough to want to learn more about it.

"Don't worry then."

They didn't talk for a while after that. In an effort to shake off his anxiety, Yusuke focused on the coffee table he was painting. He'd picked a matted dark brown as its new color which would stand out quite well when put in front of a brightly colored background. But the color made the table look boring, so he'd started tracing its carvings with silver or gold paint to make it more interesting.

Even though he was engulfed in his work, he couldn't forget that Katsuo was there. As he moved around the table, he caught glimpses the other boy. Katsuo was still sitting on the desk, with his legs crossed under him. He was watching him with genuine interest, which made Yusuke feel very awkward.

"Um ... a-about my childhood ..." He suddenly spoke up. "My parents divorced when I was a child. Back then, I was too young to really know what was going on. A lot of the things that happened back then ... I only learned the truth about them years later," he paused to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure why he'd started telling Katsuo all of this, but it was too late to stop now. "At the time I was just told that my mother and older brother would move out and would no longer be living with me and dad. I ... I wasn't really surprised, I think, because my brother had told me that they might break up. Much later, I learned that in order to get the divorce, my mother had to give my dad full custody of me."

"That really sucks!" Katsuo exclaimed. He'd moved to the edge of the desk, and was leaning forward slightly. "I mean, she was your _mom_! How could she just give you u like that?"

"I don't know ... I remember her as a very caring mother, to be honest, so maybe she didn't have any choice in the matter. Things were really bad between her and dad, I think. They were always fighting. Of course, back then, I thought that was normal." Yusuke shrugged. He'd never felt any ill will towards his mother for leaving him. She couldn't have known what his father would do years later. "A-anyway ... I was left with my dad and at first, everything was fine. I mean, I did miss my brother a lot, of course, but back then I was five or six years old, so it wasn't hard for me to have a good time even while missing someone."

"Yup, kids are like that." Katsuo nodded. "When I was four, my pet turtle died. I cried so much, I remember that. But the next day my parents bought me a new one and I was happy again. I still missed the old one, but I was happy with my new one too, so I didn't need to cry anymore."

"Mm ... y-yes, I suppose something similar happened to me back then ..." Yusuke cleared his throat. He hadn't imagined it would be so hard speaking about his childhood. He'd thought that now that it was behind him, it wouldn't hurt him anymore. "Well, as I was saying, things with my dad were going fine. At first, that is. Then ... One day, he took me to the hospital. I remember that he and the doctor had a long talk while I was waiting outside the room. My dad seemed very angry about something. I remember being worried that I was very sick, so I was very relieved when the doctor just swabbed my mouth and then said we could go. I was scared that he might give me a shot or something, you see?" He smiled, even though the memory was not a pleasant one. "Well, a few weeks after that, my dad told me that ... he told me ... t-that I had to go away. I was a bit older by then, I think I was eight years old. A-anyway, even though my dad didn't say it then, I somehow knew that ... that I wouldn't be living with him anymore."

"Wait, what?" Katsuo exclaimed. "He left you too? But ... why?"

"W-well ... apparently he'd had some suspicions ... and they'd turned out to be true. Um ... t-this is a bit embarrassing to admit, but ... my dad wasn't really my dad. It turned out that my mom had lied to him - and to my brother and me too! We, uh ... my brother and I don't have the same dad ... and our dad - my mom's husband, I mean, - wasn't related to us at all. I have no idea who my biological father is, or if he even knows that I exist." Yusuke looked up. Katsuo was listening to him in a daze, with his mouth gaping. "Well, with my mom having disowned me as well, I was taken by social services. I was shipped around for a couple of years - I'd spent a couple of months with a foster family, then I'd get put into a home, then sent off to another family. It was ... sad. I started thinking that I didn't belong anywhere, and that I was unwanted."

"I can imagine how tough it's been." Katsuo's voice was filled with sympathy. "What happened next?"

"Oh, well ... my older brother had somehow found out that dad had thrown me out. He decided that if dad didn't want anything to do with me, then we could reconnect again. He was still in university then, but he did come and visit me often, and bought me treats and stuff I needed. When he graduated, he tried to find a well-paying job as soon as possible, and when he did, I was allowed to go and live with him. We're still living together, and it's so fun." He smiled. "So, really, I ended up in a much better place than most people like me."

"Woah!" Katsuo whistled and then continued with a grin. "Man, someone should make a movie about your life! That sounded just like something out of a book!" He fell silent for a few seconds and then he spoke again, his dark gray eyes sparkling with joy. "Maybe, when you become a famous artist, you will have a movie made about you."

"Oh! I-I don't think that's very likely." Yusuke blushed. "I think that people nowadays don't really care about artists. They still like art, but they don't really think about the people behind it."

"Don't say stuff like that!" Katsuo protested. "I'm absolutely certain that you'll become famous!"

Yusuke thought about it. He tried to imagine himself as a famous artist.

"I don't think I'd enjoy being famous ..." He said with a slight shudder. "I mean ... I'd have to talk to people all the time, and give interviews and what not..."

Katsuo laughed. He jumped off the desk and walked to Yusuke.

"You're so funny! I don't think I've ever met someone so shy before!"

Yusuke blushed and turned away.

"I can't really help it ..." he mumbled. "Um ... w-what about you, Moriyama-kun?"

"You don't need to be so formal with me. Just Katsuo is fine." He smiled. "What about me?"

W-well ... what was your childhood like? I-if you don't mind me asking."

"Ohh, I don't think there's much to tell. It was kinda boring, to be honest." Katsuo scratched his head. "My family is pretty average. You know my cousin Ritsu already. You know that his folks own this publishing company, right? Well, my mom and his dad are siblings. When mom got married, she sold her shares in the company to her brother and with the money, she and dad started their own business. And that's pretty much the most interesting thing to have happened to my family," he ended his story with a smile.

"I don't think it's boring," Yusuke said with a smile. "It actually sounds very peaceful."

"I guess. I mean, I suppose to you it would seem peaceful rather than boring." Katsuo smiled. "Are you hungry? You wanna go get something to eat?"

"Um ... maybe later? I'd like to finish this table first."

Katsuo nodded. Instead of returning to the desk, he sat down on the floor close to Yusuke. This time, his closeness was more comforting than distracting, and Yusuke resumed his work much calmer than he'd been just a few minutes ago.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yusuke suffers, Ritsu tries his best and Takano is a cryptid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new chapter is finally here! Sorry it took so long!
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated!

When Ritsu came back in the living room, he was once again met with an odd sense of unfamiliarity. Takano had stopped by the previous day, most likely with the intent to spent some intimate time with him. However, upon seeing the state of Ritsu's home, he'd changed his mind. Using more bullying than reason, he tried to goad Ritsu into cleaning up the place. Ritsu had finally agreed to do so after Takano's rather spiteful remark that the surface of Venus was more livable than the apartment. The place was now so spotless one could hardly believe it was the same as before.

Ritsu's annoyance with Takano's actions diminished as he began discovering the advantages of a spotless apartment. While it was quite convenient to drop all his belongings on the floor the moment he came back from work, the freedom to thread wherever he wished was a welcome new experience. No longer did he need to watch if there was something he could trip over or step on. There was also enough space on the sofa for Yusuke to sit down comfortably now, instead of having to squeeze himself between mounds of clothes and papers like he usually did.

Ritsu had received a message from him earlier that day, asking to meet up. That was an unusual event, since the teen preferred to just come by the apartment instead of contacting Ritsu on the phone. There must have been a reason for this sudden change, and soon it had become clear: Yusuke wanted their meeting to be kept a secret. He'd provided no explanation along with his request, and so Ritsu was left slightly confused and wondering what could have happened. Though Yusuke had not mentioned it specifically, he'd clearly had Takano in his mind when asking for secrecy, and Ritsu couldn't figure out why.

With Takano's birthday still months away, it was unlikely that Yusuke was already planning a surprise for him. And the idea that Yusuke was angry with his older brother due to some disagreement didn't sit well with Ritsu either. Yusuke and Takano  _ did  _ have their fights; their personalities were far too disparate to ensure a peaceful coexistence. But they were both mature enough not to let their conflicts escalate, thankfully.

In the end, though Ritsu was unable to come up with a fitting explanation for Yusuke's message, he didn't need to wait too long for the teen to come over and explain himself. Takano had gone out that very same day, on an errand that would keep him away for at least a couple of hours. Just minutes after he'd left, Yusuke was at the door, ringing the doorbell. When Ritsu let him in, he noted that the teen seemed a bit queasy. Though Yusuke tried to hide it by making small talk, it was obvious he had something else on his mind.

Ritsu didn't push him to talk. He knew that Yusuke needed some time to relax. Once he felt comfortable, he would explain himself. So Ritsu put his curiosity aside for the moment and tried his best to ease Yusuke's anxiety by indulging the teen in some small talk. And sure enough, after the two had settled down on the sofa and he had explained the project he was currently working on in great detail, Yusuke finally revealed the real reason for his visit.

"The thing is ... uh ... it's a bit hard for me to explain, sorry." He was looking down at his lap, drumming his fingers on his knees. "I ... I'd like to talk with you about Katsuo. But I don't want Masamune to overhear us, because ... well, I don't want him to know the things I'm going to tell you."

"Oh?"

_ Of course _ . Katsuo. Ritsu stifled a sigh. He should have known; after all, there were few things that Yusuke would want to keep from Takano. His love life was one of them. But Ritsu couldn't be faulted for being so dim - lately Yusuke hadn't mentioned Katsuo at all. Thinking that the silence meant he was trying to get over his feelings, Ritsu hadn't mentioned his cousin either, and a couple of weeks had passed in perfect harmony.

But now it seemed that this harmony had only been on the surface, and beneath it Yusuke's emotions were stewing, waiting for the moment they could erupt with full force again.

"I thought Takano-san agreed to leave you alone in this matter,” Ritsu said. He didn't feel comfortable discussing Yusuke's feelings, so he latched onto the last thing the teen had mentioned. “Don't tell me he's started getting involved again?"

"No, no," Yusuke said, shaking his head. "He did back away, even apologized for being so nosy - which I suspect was your doing. But ... well, I think Masamune still might be ... uh ... interested in all this. I guess he sort of has a right to be, I mean, he's probably just looking out for me, right?" He paused and Ritsu gave an unintelligible sound in response. "But ... I would prefer it if he didn't know what Katsuo has been doing these last few weeks. It might give him ...  _ ideas _ ."

"Huh?" Ritsu was worried. He knew that Katsuo could be acutely unaware of his surroundings. It was easy to imagine that some well-meant remark of his could have made Yusuke uncomfortable. "What has he been doing?"

Yusuke's cheeks flushed and he shifted restlessly, running his hand through his hair.

"You must know Katsuo very well," he began, looking down at the floor. He spoke slowly, as if he had to weigh every word before it came out. "So what I'm about to tell you ... you might not find it unusual at all. But  _ I  _ don't know Katsuo that well, so his behavior is unusual to me. You see, he ... uh ..." He trailed off and then suddenly launched into a series of excuses. "Now, maybe I'm just imagining things ... I'm sure that he doesn't mean to make me feel this way ... and there's probably a reasonable explanation for what he's been doing ..."

"He hasn't been treating you badly, has he?"

"Oh, no!" Yusuke exclaimed, waving his hands. Ritsu had never seen him so flustered. "No, no, it's nothing like that! It's just ... Katsuo has been paying me too much attention." Ritsu must have looked surprised, because the teen continued quickly, not giving him a chance to say anything. "Take yesterday for example. I ... I was putting up some backdrops on the stage to see how they'd look. The others were there too, rehearsing. And ... Katsuo was chatting with his friends. I didn't even know he was there, to be honest, but he ... he saw me and called me over, and ... um ... he started telling his friends about how good my drawings were." He pushed his glasses up. "I ... um ... I have nothing against compliments most of the time ... b-but he put me right in the center of everyone's attention and ... uh ... it made me feel very uncomfortable." He glanced at Ritsu for a second before looking down again, and rubbed his hands together. "You probably think I'm fussing over nothing ..."

"No, not at all. I understand completely," Ritsu assured him. He could sympathize, as he himself had been in similar situations before and knew just how unpleasant they could be. "But you know, he was just complimenting your art. I know how direct Katsuo can be at times, but I'm sure that he thought he was doing something nice by telling his friends."

"But that's not all!" Yusuke said. "He ... he keeps saying and doing weird things to me. And it's not just about my art!" His blush darkened and he looked away, too emotional to speak. He took his glasses off and ran a hand over his eyes. Ritsu waited patiently for him to calm down and after a few minutes, Yusuke turned to him again, composed and slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Ricchan, I'm probably annoying you with this. But I just needed to talk with someone about it all and honestly couldn't think of anyone better than you."

"It's really no problem, Yusuke. I'll gladly listen to whatever it is that troubles you, though I don't think I can give you any advice." Despite it all, Ritsu couldn't help but smile. As awkward as this conversation was, he felt flattered by Yusuke's admission. It was a refreshing change to have someone look up to him as a capable adult. "Now, you were saying Katsuo has been doing other things too?"

"Y-yeah. Like last week, when he sat at my table during lunch." Yusuke paused to bite his lower lip. He gave Ritsu a hesitant look. "I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it  _ was _ ! He's never done that before! A-at first I thought he just wanted to tell me something about the drama club, but then he just started talking about my hair - how soft it was, things like that. And ... uh ..." Yusuke choked and had to clear his throat before being able to continue. "He ... he began touching it, and running his fingers through it, or at least trying to." He pulled on a lock of his hair aimlessly. "And he didn't even care that there were other people around us and that they were all staring at us!"

"I see." Again, Ritsu felt sympathetic; he was dealing with the same situation at work. It was true that after he and Takano had started dating again, Takano had been holding back from being too affectionate in the office. However, he did occasionally step out of line, much to Ritsu's displeasure. It was pure luck that their co-workers were too sleep-deprived to meditate on their closeness too much. "Did you talk with Katsuo about that? I'm sure that if you explain that his behavior is making you uncomfortable, he'll stop."

In response the teen just looked down at his lap and shook his head. He said nothing, but Ritsu understood. Yusuke had liked his cousin for a long time, and during most of it Katsuo hadn't so much as glanced his way. Now that Yusuke was finally receiving some attention from the person he loved, he probably couldn't muster up the courage to put a stop to Katsuo's actions, no matter how awkward they made him feel.

"I'll talk with Katsuo about it," Ritsu said, though in all honesty, he was unsure how one could even approach the subject. "I'm sure he'll understand. And why don't you try looking at this situation from the bright side, hm? I mean, it's obvious that Katsuo doesn't think badly of you if he says all those nice things. That's good, right?"

"Y-yeah ..." Yusuke nodded. He chewed on his lower lip for a while before speaking again. "But you see, Ricchan ... that kinda makes it worse."

"Huh? Worse? What do you mean?"

Yusuke hesitated. He glanced at Ritsu for a second, then leaned forward and took a pen from the table. He clicked it a few times, rolling it between his fingers. Once again, Ritsu didn't urge him to speak and waited patiently.

"You see," Yusuke began, his voice quiet and quivering, "Katsuo is just ... always around me and he's telling me all those nice things, and being so  _ physical _ ." He flushed. "I ... I know he's just being friendly. I  _ know  _ that he doesn't mean anything when he compliments me or touches me. But at the same time ... I feel  _ so _ tempted to think that he does all that because he likes me at least a little bit, even if maybe he doesn't realize it yet." He shook his head sadly, which made his glasses slid down his nose. He pushed them up, clicking his tongue in irritation. "It's just very hard for me to keep my feelings locked in my heart when he's like that."

He slid down the sofa with a groan. Sensing that Yusuke needed more than just kind words, Ritsu reached out and patted him on the shoulder. He could understand the struggle that Yusuke was going through. He knew all too well how easy it was for someone to be convinced that their feelings were returned.

For a soul in love, it was easy to overanalyze a person's actions, to dig into the deepest layers of the words they spoke, desperately searching for something to hold on to, for the tiniest morsel of hope that maybe, just maybe, that person saw you as someone worthy of their love. Every kind word, every gentle gesture would become ingrained into one's mind, would become fuel for the conviction that yes, love was there,  _ somewhere _ . Everyone had experienced it at some point in their life and Ritsu didn't think less of Yusuke for it.

"I'm not ... I'm not stupid," Yusuke continued quietly. "I know that Katsuo would never be interested in someone like me. We are too different, and we're both guys. I ... well, I'm not happy about that, I can't be, but I've accepted it. It was hard to do so, but I knew it was the right thing to do." He sighed. "Even if Katsuo liked guys, he wouldn't date me. I'm not his type, I know that. And yet ... I still love him. I know that my feelings for him will always be one-sided, and I worked so hard to accept it and move on. And now ... it just seems like I've done all that for nothing. Because it just takes one word from him and all that I've achieved just falls apart and ... I end up wanting to believe that he likes me back. It's ... it's not fair that I have to feel this way!"

Ritsu's heart ached as he listened. He could see how torn Yusuke was about this matter, and soon guilt began eating at him. It was because of  _ his  _ advice that Yusuke was in such pain now. He'd told Yusuke that it was better to keep his feelings to himself. All he'd wanted was to keep him safe and happy. But he'd never imagined that things between Katsuo and Yusuke would develop this way, that they'd end up meeting on a daily basis. And now, because Yusuke had listened to him, he was stuck in this hell of uncertainty.

Really, was an unbroken heart worth all this?

"I  _ do _ want to follow your advice," Yusuke said. "But Katsuo makes it really hard for me to do so."

He sighed and fell back with his eyes closed, limp and silent, as if the essence that sustained him had poured out with his words. The change from nervous twitches to complete apathy was too sudden, and Ritsu couldn't help but see it as a silent accusation.

If he'd given Yusuke better advice, perhaps the teen wouldn't be so torn about the current situation. It was precisely because Yusuke wanted to keep his love a secret that he was hurting so much now. If Ritsu had known that things would develop this way, if he'd been aware that Katsuo would become a near constant presence in Yusuke's life, he would have reconsidered his advice.

Perhaps, there was still a chance for him to fix the damage he'd caused?

"Well, Yusuke, you shouldn't really do that," he said.

"Hm?" Yusuke opened his eyes. "What do you mean, Ricchan?"

"I know I told you that it's best to keep your feelings to yourself, but I think that ... that I shouldn't have."

Someone else might have been angry with Ritsu for going back on his own advice, but Yusuke just stared at him. He seemed lost for a moment as he furrowed his eyebrows in an attempt to make sense of what Ritsu was saying.

"No, I ... what?" Still frowning, he straightened up so that he could be on the same eye level as Ritsu. "Ricchan, I don't really understand ... you're the one who told me not to do anything about Katsuo. And now you're saying I should confess to him?" His lips were trembling as he leaned closer to Ritsu. "Did my brother make you say that? I know he's been trying to change my mind about this, but I didn't think he'd get to you!" He took Ritsu's hand with both of his and squeezed it tightly. "We agreed that the best thing I could do is stay away from Katsuo, didn't we? Please don't make me  _ talk  _ to him!"

"Yusuke." Ritsu gently freed his hand and put it on the boy's shoulder. "I don't doubt that staying silent is the safest option for you. I know that, because it's something I've done over and over again. I have to ask, do you really want it to be this way?"

"What do you mean?" Yusuke mumbled. "I don't understand.  _ You're  _ the one who told me that I needed to stay away from Katsuo."

"Yes I did tell you that. And I was wrong." Ritsu sighed. There were few phrases one could say to a teenager that were more embarrassing. "Back then, what I told you ... it was because I thought the most important thing was to keep you safe from any emotional pain. I didn't realize that perhaps, this is something that you need to go through."

"What?"

"I'm not saying I want you you to get hurt," Ritsu clarified. "But this kind of experience is important, even if it's unpleasant. You need to pursue what you want in life, Yusuke."

"But I'm really not good enough for Katsuo!" Yusuke exclaimed. "I mean ... I'm not the type he's attracted to. A-and ... if I confess, he'll definitely reject me!"

"... Maybe he will." Ritsu hated to admit it, but he couldn't deny that such an outcome was a possibility. "And if it happens, you will be hurt and sad for some time. But ultimately, no matter what happens with Katsuo, you will emerge out of it feeling better because you will have closure. Believe me, Yusuke, it's hard for me to tell you this knowing that it may cause you pain, but it's the right thing to do. One day you will look back and regret the things you couldn't find the courage to do. You owe your future self to go after those things when you have the chance."

Even if Yusuke didn't get what he wanted, Ritsu thought, he would at least have the satisfaction of having tried. He may not appreciate it at the moment, but he'd surely do so when he got older. Hopefully.

Yusuke didn't look convinced, though. He was biting his lower lip and looked quite worried.

"I guess that makes sense," he finally said. "It's something that a lot of people experience, right? Feeling regretful about their past, I mean. But ... I can't just ... I mean, what am I supposed to do?" He ran his fingers through his hair. "What, I should just ... go to him and blurt out how I feel? I'd honestly rather die!" Ritsu winced, having been reminded of his own clumsy confession back in high school. Yusuke, preoccupied with his own concerns, didn't notice. "What am I to do? I mean ... I've never had to ... uh ... I've never had to do something like that."

"I know that It's scary," Ritsu said gently. "Believe me,  _ I know _ . But ... I also know what it's like to regret the things you didn't do ... and how much it hurts to want to do something, but being unable to." He hesitated before continuing. "I was too scared when I was your age, and the mistakes I made then ... they damaged me. I still struggle with the choices I made so many years ago. I don't want this to happen to you, Yusuke."

Yusuke looked up at him. His lips were quivering, and his normally dark blue eyes gleamed like sapphires. He ran his hand through his hair again, then took his glasses off and buried his face in his hands.

"Katsuo will laugh at me," he whispered.

"No, he won't. He's not like that."

"Maybe," the teen agreed, sniffing. "But ... what if he tells his friends and  _ they _ laugh at me?"

"Katsuo won't let that happen," Ritsu said. "Even if he doesn't like you back, he won't humiliate you, Yusuke. He's not like that."

“...” Yusuke looked up at him. "... I'm  _ scared _ ."

"I know." Ritsu smiled a bit sadly. "Listen, Yusuke, in the end, this is your life, and you should be the one to decide what you want to do. Confess or don't, it's your choice. I won't push you into doing something you're not comfortable with, I'm just telling you my opinion. Please, take some time to think about it."

The teen nodded while chewing on his lower lip. He put his glasses back on and pushed them up. He was no longer flushing, and looked more confused than despairing. Ritsu wondered he should consider it an improvement or not.

"I … I appreciate your honesty, Ricchan," Yusuke said. "I think I'll go home now. I ... I really need to think about all this." He hesitated and gave him an uncertain look. "You won't tell Masamune what we talked about, will you?"

"No, I won't. But I think you should. He's your older brother, and he cares about you so much. It doesn't seem fair to hide these sorts of things from him."

"I know," Yusuke said with a sigh. "But ... I'll tell him once this whole thing with Katsuo is over. I can only handle those two one at a time."

Ritsu nodded in agreement. Katsuo and Takano could be quite a handful; someone as timid and inexperienced as Yusuke would find it difficult to deal with them simultaneously.

After apologizing for taking up his time, Yusuke left. Now alone, Ritsu lounged about for a while. There were some dishes that needed to be washed, but he felt too lazy to do that at the moment. The conversation with Yusuke, though short, had been quite tiring and now he felt he needed some rest. He laid on the sofa with a groan and closed his eyes. He really needed a nap ...

Tired as he was, he couldn't fall asleep. He kept thinking about Yusuke's dilemma. He liked to believe he'd done a good job counseling the teen this time. But now, as he kept coming back to the conversation he'd had with Yusuke, he could see a myriad of new problems to worry over.

Did Ritsu have any right to get involved? Takano ought to have been the one to help Yusuke with such a personal matter. It didn't seem fair that he had been pushed aside and kept in the dark about Yusuke's love life, while Ritsu, who was essentially no one to Yusuke, had been taken into the teen's confidence.

Sighing heavily, Ritsu flung his arm over his eyes. He couldn't understand why he was so worried – it was Yusuke's decision to keep Takano away from his love life. The teen's desire for privacy was understandable, but why did Yusuke's need to keep  _ Ritsu _ informed. While it could be argued that it was Takano's own behavior that had made his brother reluctant to approach him, the result was that Ritsu was now in quite an unfavorable position. With his advice, he'd taken responsibility for what happened to Yusuke. If, somehow, Yusuke ended up hurt beyond mending, it would be Ritsu's fault, and both Yusuke and Takano would be right to tell him so.

“...”

It really didn't seem fair that he'd been thrust into such a role. Ritsu cared for Yusuke, and he certainly wished him the best, but the burden of responsibility that the teen had saddled him with was something he could go without.

Hopefully, everything would get settled soon and he would be allowed to continue his normal life.

* * *

The bell buzzed over the chatters in the hallway, signaling the end of another school day. As Yusuke trudged to the exit, snippets of conversations reached his ears. It seemed that most of the students would be taking advantage of the unusually warm weather by hanging out with their friends rather than simply going home.

Yusuke wondered absently if Katsuo would do so as well. They were supposed to have drama club today, but the teacher that was in charge was on sick leave the whole week. Some of the members were intent on practicing regardless, but Yusuke had opted to skip. He was glad in a morbid sort of way that the teacher had become ill, as his absence had pushed back the moment Yusuke was to face Katsuo.

Several days had passed since his conversation with Ritsu. They hadn't spoken since, mainly because both Ritsu and Masamune had been too busy with work to pay attention to anything else. Another lucky coincidence, Yusuke thought. He needed some time for himself so he could sort out the mess that was his love life. He hadn't succeeded much save for admitting to himself that Ritsu was right – he needed to take action now, lest he wanted to spend his life regretting his cowardice. Yusuke knew that nothing good would come out of him confessing his feelings to Katsuo, but he also knew that keeping quiet wouldn't end well either. If he chose to confess, at least he'd be choosing the direction his life would be taking, and that made all the difference to him.

The only problem was … that he couldn't do it.

Yusuke was already familiar with feeling ashamed and anxious, but this particular feeling of dread was new and much worse. It was like acid, burning him from the inside and driving him insane. Frustration was building up in his chest and Yusuke wanted nothing more than to just scream it away. Now was the time for him to act - if he didn't, he'd never grow out of his timidness and he'd end up missing out on most of what life had to offer him. But he couldn't bring himself to do what he had to, and it was maddening!

If only he could be more like his brother! Masamune had always been straight-forward, he'd always approached his goals with determination and confidence. And, in return, he got everything he needed.  _ He _ probably would have strolled right over to Katsuo and asked him out without batting an eye!

But that was something Yusuke could never do, even if he practiced it for a million years. His love for Katsuo wasn't the only obstacle. Katsuo was  _ always _ with his friends; in fact, the only times he was alone were when he was using the restroom. But of course, Yusuke could never confess his feelings  _ there _ !

In theory, he  _ could _ approach Katsuo and ask to speak with him privately, but that wouldn't help much, as Katsuo's friends would surely figure the truth out. Private conversations in high school were only for confessions or break-ups, and if Yusuke were to do such a thing, he'd soon have the whole school talking about him. Of course, he knew that once the words left his lips, his confession would eventually become public knowledge; there was no stopping the rumor mill. He simply needed his love to remain a secret until he found the courage to confess to Katsuo, that was all.

He stopped in his tracks when he realized he was blushing. If the mere  _ thought _ of confessing was making him flustered, what was he to do? Yusuke couldn't help but feel slightly irritated with Ritsu. It was so easy to give advice like that, wasn't it? But what did  _ he _ know? Ritsu had never had to put himself in such an awkward situation, he didn't know just how frightening it felt to have to confess his feelings!

At this moment, his contemplations were cut short in the most violent manner. Too caught up in his own misery, Yusuke had not been aware that someone was running after him, so when a hand came down on his back, he was more startled than hurt.

"W-wha-?" He shrieked, jumping up in the air.

"Shit, sorry! Didn't mean to slap you so hard!"

_ Katsuo _ . Of course that he'd show up just as Yusuke was thinking about him. Yusuke closed his eyes for a moment. It would be too obvious if he just ran away, would it? In any case, he was certain Katsuo could easily catch up with him.

"H-hey ..." He greeted, turning around.

"Hey, there." Katsuo, despite the regret he'd expressed, had his face split by a wide, carefree grin. Faced with such a disarming sight, Yusuke could do nothing more than blush. "You ok? I didn't bruise you or anything?"

"I-I'm fine,” Yusuke said, pushing up his glasses. Was he imagining things, or did Katsuo look somehow different today? “It didn't really hurt so much ..."

" _ So _ glad to hear that!" Katsuo slid next to Yusuke and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Guess I got too excited to see you, heh!"

"Um ... You're excited about everything, though."

Why did Katsuo have to express himself in such a flirtatious way? He liked teasing people, but Yusuke wished he would aim his little jokes at someone else. Words like these only made his love stronger and it wouldn't be long until it peaked so high there was no going down.

"Yeah, I do get excited about everything." Katsuo laughed. "What can I say, I'm a puppy trapped in the body of a boy. Here, scratch me behind the ear if you don't believe me."

"Eh ..." Yusuke flushed. Katsuo had leaned his head towards him, and was obviously waiting for a scratching. "I'd rather not ..."

"Aw, shame. Anyway, are you going home now?"

"Um, yeah, why? I mean, we don't need to go to drama today, right?"

"Yeah, the teacher's still MIA." Katsuo nodded. "But I wasn't talking about drama. I was thinking that if you don't have anything to do, we can go grab a bite or something."

"Oh!"

Yusuke stared at him, but looked away when Katsuo turned his gaze to him. A part of him wanted to say yes  _ so  _ badly! But the other, clearly more sensible part was shaking its head. Bad idea, it kept saying. And Yusuke knew that, he knew that he couldn't accept the invitation. His mind had turned into an arena where anxiety and desire battled, and he felt each clash deep in his heart.

"I d-don't know, Katsuo-kun ..." He mumbled, brushing some hair away from his eyes. "I'd be sort of out of place there, wouldn't I? I mean, your friends don't know me that well, and I don't really feel comfortable intruding ..."

"You won't be, it's gonna be just me and you."

"Just ..." Yusuke blinked. He'd assumed that Katsuo's friends would also be there. But if it would be just him and Katsuo ... away from school ... it would be the perfect opportunity for Yusuke to confess! His heart began thumping so loud that he was sure Katsuo could hear it. "It's really going to be just the two of us? No one else?"

"Yeah."

Yusuke bit his lower lip, trying his hardest to hide his smile. This invitation was happening at the most convenient of times! He'd be alone with Katsuo and nothing would stop him from confessing - nothing but his crippling anxiety, of course.

But was it appropriate to confess in such a situation? After all, Katsuo had invited Yusuke to hang out, he surely intended to have a fun time. And to be confessed to out of the blue ... surely he'd think Yusuke was a freak. But then again, wouldn't he think the same no matter when Yusuke confessed?

"You know," Katsuo spoke after the silence between them persisted, "I'd really like to get an answer from you. It's kinda important to me."

"Important?"

"Yeah." Katsuo nodded. He glanced at Yusuke then turned his head away, directing his next words on the rows of lockers by the wall. "I'm trying to ask you out on a date, if I'm not clear enough. So ... a reply would be nice. A 'yes' one would be even nicer, so ... what do you say?"

He looked back at Yusuke while rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't smiling anymore. He looked uncharacteristically tense, and Yusuke realized that this time, he wasn't teasing. It took a while for the thought to sink in, and when it did, his schoolbag slipped right between his numb fingers. He was able to catch it before it fell to the floor, mercifully, and clutched it close to his chest like armor.

"Y-you ... you want to go on a date? With  _ me _ ?"

"Yeah, I really do."

"Why? No, wait!" Yusuke closed his eyes for a second, mentally cursing the incredibly stupid question that had slipped out. "I m-mean ... uh, not why, but ... well ... are you sure?  _ Really _ ?"

Katsuo chuckled, then stepped closer and pushed a lock of Yusuke's hair behind his ear.

"You're adorable. Yes, I'm sure. I like you, so I want to go on a date with you."

"But why?" Yusuke clicked his tongue annoyed. Again, a stupid question! "No, sorry, I ... uh ... sorry, this is just too sudden and I don't really know what I'm saying ... I'm kinda a mess right now ..."

"Guess I should have been more subtle, huh?" Katsuo rubbed the back of his neck again. Much to Yusuke's surprise, he was blushing as well, only not as brightly. "Sorry, didn't mean to freak you out like that. To be honest, I thought it would be best to just ask away before I got too nervous to do it."

"Nervous?  _ You _ ?"

"Well, yeah. I mean ..." He shrugged. "I've kinda liked you for a while now, but I didn't really think you'd be into me. Like ... you're just so smart and talented and creative and just ... so awesome! Like, I must look so boring to you, you know? Plus, it didn't really help my case that I got your name wrong, remember? God, that was so lame!"

"No, no, you shouldn't worry about that," Yusuke said. "I actually found it kinda funny."

"Well, it was embarrassing." Katsuo sighed. "Anyway, I talked to my friends and they all told me I should go for it, and so ... I went for it." He pushed his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor, swaying his hips lightly.

Yusuke blinked a few times. So this was what being confessed to felt like ... did everyone feel like this? His limbs were still numb, and the skin around his neck and ears burned, but somehow ... it felt nice. He suddenly felt like giggling and put a hand to his mouth.

Katsuo, for some reason, seemed to think that things were not going as great.

"We don't need to go on a date now," he said hastily. "If you have something else to do, we can arrange for a later date or something, right? I mean, you don't need to give me an answer right at the moment, I can ... I can wait however long I need to."

"Oh, no, it's not that!" Yusuke exclaimed. He briefly wondered if Katsuo realized just how flushed his ears were at this moment. "I ... I like you too, Katsuo-kun. I think you're simply amazing and ... and I also thought that I wasn't good enough for you, so ... uh ... you don't need to worry about that."

"Really?" Katsuo's eyes sparkled and he waved his fist in the air. "That's so awesome! I mean, not the self-doubt part, obviously. I'm just so happy you like me back!" He bounced on his feet a few times, his signature grin having returned to his lips. Seeing him so joyful made Yusuke smile as well. "So then ... that's a yes on the date?"

"Do you really need to ask?"

Katsuo's grin grew bigger and he leaped forward, wrapping his arms around Yusuke and pulling him in for a mighty hug.

"Aw, yess! This is the best day of my life!"

Yusuke chuckled softly. He held onto Katsuo gingerly, gently sliding the tips of his fingers down the sides of his torso. Katsuo was only an inch or two shorter than him, but he was bigger and it was easy for Yusuke to be enveloped in his warmth. He'd never felt like that before, so safe and loved and happy. He shut his eyes and squealed in delight.

"You smell kinda nice." Katsuo had his nose buried in Yusuke's hair. He inhaled deeply, and Yusuke giggled as a few strands tickled his ears. "I like your shampoo."

"Um ... you're probably smelling paint thinner," he explained awkwardly. He hadn't done any painting in a week, but he still reeked of acetone. He hadn't figured out how to get rid of the stench yet. "You probably shouldn't breathe it in ..."

"Yeah." Katsuo laughed. "Wouldn't want to have our first date in the hospital."

"That would be awkward," Yusuke agreed with a smile. As Katsuo stepped away from him, he could see that several other students were staring at them. He shifted awkwardly and looked at his feet. "Um, people are looking at us ..."

"So?"

"It ... it doesn't bother you?"

"Not really." Katsuo shrugged. "I mean, you can't really blame them for looking. We don't have that many gay couples in school. There were those two girls that were, like,  _ the  _ gay couple, but they graduated, and now there's only like three or four other same sex couples besides us. That is, if you want there to be an us."

"U-uh ..." Yusuke stuttered and then bit his lower lip. "Y-yeah, I'd like there to be ... us."

"Cool!" Katsuo grinned and cupped Yusuke's face. He stared into his eyes for a few seconds, then leaned in and kissed him on the nose. "You're too cute for your own good, Yusuke. Come on, let's go."

He took his hand and tugged him to the exit. Yusuke followed in somewhat of a daze, his mind still unable to fully comprehend what was happening. It was only as the two were leaving the building when something clicked in Yusuke's brain, making him halt in his place.

"Oh, wait!" He exclaimed. "Sorry, I just remembered that I need to make a call first. I hope that's okay?"

"Sure thing." Katsuo smiled. "I'll wait for you over there, ok?"

"Thanks."

Katsuo smiled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before walking away. Blushing, Yusuke took his phone out. His fingers were trembling so it took him a few tries to find the number he was looking for. When he did, he pressed the dial button and waited eagerly for the other side to pick up.

"I'm really sorry to bother you, Ricchan," he said, barely able to contain the laughter in his voice, "but you'll never guess what just happened!"

 


End file.
